Stand by me
by FreddieLounds
Summary: AU. Will suffers from depression. For years, he's been fighting against the demons in his mind, all the shadows from his past that are haunting him. Committing suicide seems to be his only salvation. But then a complete stranger shows up, saving him, forcing him to embrace life, even if Will really detests this idea...
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One **

Harsh December wind, cold as ice, blew raindrops in his face and blurred his view, as he was standing at the balustrade above the grey river. But he didn't care about getting cold or getting wet, not anymore, certainly not at this point. His hands clinged to the railing, gripping it so hard, that his knuckles were turning white.

He had planned it all, if not too precicely, but he'd cared about the place he'd be doing it. He'd been thinking about ending it all for quite some time now. Almost two years, to be accurate.

For years he had lived in fear and pain, mental torture, as a prisoner of his own mind. Of course he went to see doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists to talk about his condition. They gave him medicine to take, that made him gain weight and feel sleepy all day and in the end turned out to be another reason he tried to commit suicide for the first time. That was ten months ago.

Then he took pills, but when he was lying there unconscious, his dogs gave him away by barking and barking, until a neighbour looked after what was going on. So he was brought to a hospital and saved. For that time. Now he didn't want to give it another shot at home, in his appartment, where his dogs were to save him. So he decided to jump off a bridge. This just didn't come to his mind that very morning, obviously. You don't get up and think: oh, today's a nice day to jump off of the next bridge, isn't it?

No. Rather he had been thinking of it for the last few weeks and this particular bridge, a little outside of town, seemed to be the right place. It was December, means, it was getting dark already in late afternoon, so the possibility that someone could see him ending his life was pretty low. His two dogs were safe at the animal shelter, he could never just have left them back alone in the flat.

That was actually the only thing he still cared about. His dogs. Maybe, if it wasn't for them, he wouldn't even have made it that far and would long be gone already. But in last time, not even they could manage to bring some purpose, some joy to his life.

Joy. He couldn't even remember anymore, when he had felt somehow close to being happy during the last years. All he knew, was darkness and pain, anxiety and loneliess. All the time he felt, like he'd been forgotten by the world, a world he couldn't be a part of, because he just didn't seem to fit in. His fears just made it impossible for him to fit in.

In the end, all his inner demons had driven him there, made him stand at the railing of a bridge on an icy December evening. It didn't take him much to pull himself over the balustrade and stand on the small step, all that was still separating him from what seemed to be his final salvation, was his steady grip on the railing. By now, his eyes had gotten used to the darkness around him – the last city lights seemed to be light years away, but actually he was just a few miles outside of town. Far enough away from anyone to find him here, he had guessed.

If asked later, he wouldn't be able to explain what held him back so long from just letting himself fall down in the grey and icy waters. Maybe it was the tiniest bit of will for life, that was still left, somewhere deep deep in his innermost core. Or maybe it was fate, that made him hesitate for a longer moment than anticipated. A moment, that saved his life, again. A moment, that gave someone the chance to save him from death by drowning in the cold flood, drowning in his own, dark thoughts. Because just as he loosened the grip, ready to embrace death, someone laid an arm around his chest from behind, giving him hold and pulling him back.

For an instant, he was too buffled to do anything more, than standing stiff, then he tried to pull away and tumble down, but this strong someone behind him, now held him with both arms in a hard grip, forcing him to calm down.

"You don't actually want to do that, my friend", said the man in his back, pressing him against the balustrade and himself. His voice was deep and you could make out the hint of a foreign accent in it.

"How would you know, what I want?", he answered almost disparaging, his own voice broken by his heavy breathing, while he still was trying to get out of the other man's hold. But he was too strong for him, making him give up at last, because he also didn't even have the will to fight him any longer.

As the other one felt that he had given up his struggle, he said:

"Let me help you to get back onto safe ground here"

And without much effort, he pulled him safely back over the railing, where he almost collapsed, but the stranger held him steady, until his legs seemed to be able to carry him again.

"My name is Dr. Hannibal Lecter. May I ask for your name?", the man said in a calm, encouraging voice, trying to look him in the face, but he stubbornly avoided to lift his gaze.

"Will...Will Graham", he finally muttered, not yet able to understand what just had happened.

He had been saved from committing suicide for a second time. By a complete stranger, whom he never would have expected to show up in this place, at this time. Maybe it really was fate, that didn't want to allow him to pass away just yet. Maybe he was also too unlucky to end his own misery.

Still Will couldn't bring himself to look up and take in the man who saved him. He kinda hated him for doing so. Why couldn't he just have left him alone? Why did he have to show up in the last moment and force him to keep dealing with life, when he didn't want to face this struggle any longer?

"You're cold", the doctor observed and now that he said it, Will actually just realised, that he was trembling from cold, as he was only wearing a sweater, no jacket.

"Here, take that", he stepped out of his coat and laid it around Will's shoulders.

For the first time, he lifted his gaze from the ground and found two light brown eyes looking him over, concerned. Only for a second he let his view stay on the other man's eyes, too much did he hate eye contact. He just couldn't deal with seeing other people's emotions there, but even less he liked others to see his own. Dr. Lecter's facial structure was extraordinarily defined. High cheekbones and sharp pointed lips. Eyebrows he could barely make out in the pale moonlight. His light brown hair was accurately combed back with some gel. Just as he was examining him, Will could feel Hannibal doing the same with him and wondered, what he could read of his face, already disliking the bare thought of that.

"I would suggest to bring you somewhere safe and warm. Where you can stay and where's taken care of you", Hannibal said next and without Will protesting, lead him to his car.

He just couldn't bring up any effort anymore, since he was too overwhelmed by everything and pretty close to have a breakdown, so he let Hannibal help him with getting into the car and then, as they drove off, he must have passed out, because he didn't remember anything else.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Hey there, guys!**_

_**I just wanted to thank you all for reading my story and special thanks to those who liked/followed/commented, I'm really glad about all of that and I hope that you'll stick with me and keep on reading! Now to the next chapter...**_

**Chapter Two**

As he regained consciousness again, he was lying in a bed that wasn't his own, in some hospital room. He didn't have to open his eyes to know, he could smell it, hospitals all had this certain smell of sterility matched with desinfectant.

So, when he could finally find some energy to open his tired eyes, his head was spinning a little, until he got used to the bright daylight flooding into the room. It had snowed over night, so everything seemed even brighter. Annoying. He couldn't stand it and blinked against the lightness.

When he could see clear and focus, he noticed the other man sitting in a chair across the room, looking as tired as he felt. For a moment, Will didn't have a clue who this was, and he couldn't remember what himself would be in a hospital for. Then everything dawned to him and he let out a more than annoyed sigh. He still was alive.

This made the other one realise that Will was awake, a slight smile spread across his face, which Will hated.

Why was Dr. Lecter here? Why did he smile at him, couldn't he just stop it? People who were in a good mood in the morning annoyed him endlessly. And this man did in particular, because he was the reason Will was still here and had to bear all of this.

"Good morning, Will", Hannibal said then. "Do you remember me?"

Will almost snorted, but he could hold it in.

"How would I be able forget you?", he gave back sarcastically.

"Why are you here? And why were you there last evening? Where did you just show up from?!", Will shot all those questions at the doctor, his voice raised and there was far more rage inside him than he'd guessed.

"You did have no right to just...to be there and...", he was outraged, fumbling for words.

"To save you?", Hannibal threw in, remarkably calm in the face of Will's outburst.

"Yeah, that", Will said, derogatory.

"Do you intend to go on screaming at me for saving your life, or do you want me to give you the answers to your prior questions?", Dr. Lecter asked him and for a second Will was torn between keep on ranting and just giving in. In the end, he made a snorting sound and fell back into his pillows, not saying another word.

"To answer your questions...", Hannibal started, completely unimpressed by Will's behaviour.

"I am here to check on you. I wanted to see how you're doing. And since I'm working in this hospital, I just stopped by before I have to start working soon. Last night I was on my way home after I'd seen my last patient...", he went on, but hanging in there for a moment, as if to gather his thoughts.

"At first, I wasn't sure what I'd seen, when I passed by the bridge in my car. But then I looked back and saw, how you were just pulling yourself over the balustrade. Obviously it was pretty clear to me, what you were about doing, and immediately I stopped the car. You didn't seem to have even noticed me driving by...and then I run over to stop you", the doctor reported, Will listening, still annoyed at everything and everyone.

"What kind of doctor are you?", he wanted to know, not being able to hold back that question, although he wanted to hate that man and best talk to him as less as possible.

"I started out as a surgeon, but now I'm a psychiatrist", Dr. Lecter explained, what brought him in another disrespectful snort by Will.

"I can imagine that you don't seem to be very fond of my kind and I don't know what your story is, what brought you to the point you are at now. I do understand, however, that you may have hatred and anger directed against me at the moment. I did ruin your plans, didn't I?", he just went on, unimpressed by Will's decline.

"What do you want from me?", Will asked, glaring at him angrily. He didn't like the tone that doctor was using to talk to him, too much was he reminded of all the appointments he had had with psychiatrists in his life. All of those had not been much good to him at all.

"I don't want you to do anything", the doctor answered calmly.

By now this annoyed Will as well. This disgusting calmness and self control of the doctor. Hadn't he just screamed at him and made it more than obvious, that he couldn't stand him? And anyway that man remained calm and chilled, well, probably he had experienced worse patients already.

"I would like for you to find a way to want to keep on living. It's not a hard thing to tell that you're a deeply disturbed and broken man, Will. Whatever it is, that has brought you to this place where you are at now, I would wish for you to find a way out of this darkness"

For a moment, both of them were silent. Hannibal seemed to wait for a reaction of Will and Will just needing a moment to think about what the doctor just had said. When he had processed so far as to give an answer, it was another decline directed at the other. However, even if he had not intended to, he gave away some more detail about himself, even if only a small one.

"I have talked to people like you for uncountable times. I've...been sitting around in doctor's offices since I can remember...I was sixteen when I first was brought to a psychologist, because one of my high school teachers ordered it. Can't you just understand, that I don't have any nerve to do this anymore?!", Will finally said, but it didn't sound angry, as he'd planned it to.

It sounded deeply desperate. Just as he was. Because clearly, all his rage was just the last façade he could manage to bring up. And Hannibal seemed to know that and looked at him, understanding.

Seeing this look on his face, Will already hated to have told him that information, because, hadn't he decided not to talk to him? Now he felt like the doctor might turn this into some session every minute, because Will was too done to bring up any true walls, besides his ranting. Clearly the doctor must have noticed that.

But to Will's surprise and even more so to his relief, Hannibal didn't press on that topic. Not yet. He sensed, that it would be way too soon. Obviously there was much, that Will had to tell, even more that he didn't want to tell at all, but he didn't dare to ask of him to do so now. This would probably be exactly the wrong thing to do.

Hannibal only could guess that much so far: he couldnt tell why, but he knew somehow, that Will would be an interesting patient. And most of all, he wanted to help him. He had saved him from jumping to his death, but he clearly had not saved his life yet. Will was in a completely unstable condition, one didn't need to be a psychiatrist to see that much. Hannibal intended in any case, to keep offering his help to the pale man with the curly dark hair and even darker circles around his eyes, who seemed so fragile lying in this hospital bed. But for now he decided, that he shouldn't do much more, but leave him to rest. And he anyway had to go to his office, his first appointment would be starting soon.

"I have to excuse myself now. My shift is starting in twenty minutes and I should better leave for my office now", he said with a look to his watch, rising from the chair.

"You don't need to check in on me again", Will said, as if he'd read Hannibal's thoughts, who has wanted to offer just that.

"When will I be out of here? Or what is actually gonna happen to me now? I don't think I'll be allowed to go home, am I?", he asked, ironically.

"No, I fear not. Apart from your breakdown and light hypothermia last night, that has been surveyed here, you're not a case for internal medicine. So I guess, you'll soon be transfered to the psychiatric department. And since I took your case, you will have to attend sessions with me. I'm going to stop by later to let you know when your first appointment will be"

"I don't need that. I don't want to talk to you!", Will started to protest again. This elicited a small sigh of Hannibal, who could tell by now, that Will wouldn't be an easy patient. But actually he liked this. It brought some additional challenge to his job.

"See, I want to help you to escape from whatever is hauting you, that is what I want. I'm not the bad one, Will, I'm not the reason you're in that dark place. Rather I want to offer you a lifeline, pulling you back out of there. And therefore I need you to let this happen. Do you understand me?", Hannibal explained, he'd stepped closer to Will's bed, looking at him, but the other – as most of the time – avoided his gaze.

As he didn't get a reply, Hannibal held back another sigh, thinking once more how incredibly stubborn and negative his latest patient was. Then he turned away, to give Will some space and to finally make his way to his office.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Hey guys!_**

**_god, I really cannot believe how many views and visitors I am getting on this story, it's incredible!I'm flattered, epecially about the follows, likes and comments, thank you so much! Today I even got the request whether this story could be translated into Russian, like wow, it's incredible, thanks for wanting to make it accessible for Russian fans! _**

**_I got on really fast the last days and I totally cannot wait to write more, however, I have to warn you, that I cannot go on as fast as I did so far, because I have an exam on Friday and next Wednesday :/ well, maybe I can post more over the WE, but let's see! Anyway, thanks to you all for reading :)_**

**Chapter Three**

"Mr. Graham, you have to attend your session with Dr. Lecter..."

"No, I don't have to do anything", he stubbornly gave back, as the nurse was trying to persuade him to go to see Dr. Lecter for the unteempth time now.

"It is obligatory"

"Listen, I don't care what it is, I don't have to do anything!", he said, voice raised and he started to feel hot anger rising up inside of him. Clenching his fists, he tried to inhale deeply, because he could sense that it wouldn't take much more for him to forget himself. It wasn't always easy for him to not lose his temper.

"I don't want to do anything. I really cannot see how it would make things better if I talked to another psychiatrist, I already talked to so many", he added after a moment, mumbling, still trying to not freak out and just turning around in his bed, so that he didn't have to face the nurse anymore. He didn't care if he was being rude or seemed childish, he just wanted to be left alone.

"But it's required for you to attend these sessions! You need to go, if you want to get out of the hospital!", the nurse explained, now not so reasonable anymore, seemingly annoyed by his obstinacy.

"Yeah, well, maybe I don't want to get out of here, I don't know what to...", he started complaining, but then stopped himself, when noticing that he was about giving the nurse too much information about himself. He didn't like that at all.

"Well, Mr. Graham, I think in that case, if you don't want to go to your therapy session, it has to come to you", the nurse said, with a voice, that didn't seem to allow any resistance and left, probably to go and get Dr. Lecter over here, since Will wouldn't be brought to go to his office.

When the nurse had left the room, Will took the pillow and pressed his face in it, wondering if maybe he could use it to suffocate himself. But he doubted that it would be of any use, so he just laid there, pillow on his face, like a stubborn little kid. But actually he just couldn't stand to see the bright yellow-ish walls and pictures of flowers anymore. That's how the rooms here on the psychiatric floor looked like, a weak attempt to make them look nice and invitational. Will hated it. Also the bright sunlight, intensed by the snow outside, that flooded into the room – through windows that could only be tilted not fully opened, obviously that people couldn't jump out or do anything stupid -, seemed incredibly annoying to him. He couldnt stand it and didn't want to see it anymore.

Lying there like that, almost dozing off – because sleep was the only thing he could somehow bear, as long as nightmares didn't haunt him – he didn't hear the soft knock at the door.

"Good afternoon, Will", Dr. Lecter's voice made him want to punch the wall. How could he always sound so calm and encouraging, like he tried to spread a good mood, wherever he was going? Disgusting.

"I could be asleep", Will muttered under the pillow, which obviously made his words barely understandable. Somehow the doctor managed to hear him anyway.

"You wouldn't, your whole posture is too clenched and tensed for being asleep", Dr. Lecter said and Will suddenly felt the urge to punch him. Why couldn't he just leave him alone?

"What is it with the pillow? A new way of avoiding eye contact? You don't seem to be very fond of it, are you?", the doctor commented, while sitting down on the chair next to Will's bed.

Will's sigh was absorbed by the pillow, then finally lifting it off his face, because he suddenly found it hard to breath.

"Eyes are distracting. You see too much, you don't see enough...", he trailed off again, wondering why he answered the doctor's question in the first place.

He really couldn't stand the man and wanted him to leave, he didn't want to talk to him. Yet he did and he couldn't explain why.

"So, I've been told, that I would have to pay you a visit here, if I wanted the chance to talk to you", Dr. Lecter went on.

"Only that I really don't want to talk to you", Will gave back, dismissively.

"Oh, I don't think so. I can see that there's a lot inside your mind that you maybe would like to share."

"And why would I share it with you? What does make you different? I already talked to so many psychiatrists...psychologist...so many. It didn't help, did it?"

"Because I know that I can help you. I saved your life, didn't I? Now it's your turn. You can decide to talk to me and give me a chance to help you to eventually feel better, or you can't. But I am a patient man, Will. I can sit and wait. And you'll talk, eventually, I can tell you this much", Dr. Lecter gave back.

Will only gave him back an incredulous laugh. Did this man actually think he knew what he'd be doing in the end? Also why did he think that if a dozen others couldn't make things better for Will, that he could?

"I read on your medical record", Dr. Lecter said, trying to organize all the information about Will that he had in mind. Light form of Aspergers, which exlained his rejections when it comes to eye-contact and leading conversations without seeming reluctant. Hospitalization due to aggressive episodes, mental breakdowns. Abusive father, this point seemed to be crucial to Hannibal, but obviously also the thing Will would most likely be less open to talk about. Five different psychiatrists, just as many psychologists, some of whom Hannibal knew and therefore could tell, that their reputation really wasn't the best. Compared to them, he obviously could tell Will without bad conscience that he could help him, presumed that Will let him. A history of several medications and another hospitalization due to attempt suicide not even a year ago were on the list as well.

"This wasn't the first time you tried to take your life", he meant, trying to study Will's reaction, who, as always, kept avoiding his gaze and crossed his arms in front of his chest. But there wasn't any answer, probably since he just had made a statement and not asked a question.

"Do you have anyone who could visit you? Give you some support and stability while you're here?", Hannibal went on, because he realized, that it wouldn't do any good to Will to talk about his attempt suicides just yet.

"Do I look stable to you?", the other gave back, ironically.

"So, no friends, family?"

"I've never had family", Will answered, pretty shortcut, starring at a point on the wall to Hannibal's left. Alone the way he pronounced that last word confirmed the doctor's assumption.

"What did happen?"

"I don't wanna talk about it. How about talking about _your_ family?", Will answered, grimmly, glaring at Hannibal and it was more than obvious, that he hit some target there.

"My parents died when I was a boy. So did my sister", he gave away in the hope that it would maybe encourage Will. Usually he didn't like to talk about it as well, so in this point, he could understand his patient perfectly. The difference was, that in Will's case, it mattered to know more about his background, because he could sense, that in there lay the clue.

Will bit his lower lip, nodding lightly in comprehension. He didn't expect that the doctor would allow him to turn the wheel and ask him questions that he usually was being asked. Neither did he anticipate a reply like that.

"What happened to you then?", Will went on, not sparing a thought whether this reaction might be improper, because he could never tell if he was. Rather he was surprised that he seemed to be interested enough to go on asking.

"I lived with my uncle, who sent me to a boarding school in Paris"

"You're not American", Will commented on what he'd noticed right away when he first heard Hannibal talking.

"I'm Lithuanian", the doctor enlightened him. He couldn't quite figure yet, whether Will just tried to avoid Hannibal questionning him, or truely seemed to be interested in a conversation.

"You told me yesterday that you were sixteen when your teacher first made you see a psychologist. Why did she think you needed to?", he asked after a moment of silence, trying to steer back to turning this into a session where he could actually get something out of Will.

"Isn't this on the record?", Will just replied.

"Would I ask if it was?", Hannibal returned, in a voice that implied he wouldn't leave earlier, before Will at least started to cooperate with him.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Hey there, guys!**_

_**I'm terribly sorry for the delay, actually I wanted to post again on the weekend already! But first, I had to study for two important exams and then my laptop fucked up :/ which isn't only a problem as far as my work on this story is concerned, but especially it sucks, because I need to write an essay for uni which is due at the end of February xD Now I'm writing this from my brother's laptop, which basically sucks, because he doesn't have Word and it's so annoying...I really hope my laptop will work again very soon, because atm I'm only writing some drafts on my mobile, so, if there are any typos or stuff, that's because I've written 80% of this chapter on my mobile...well, I hope you enjoy it anyways! Thank you so much for your support so far :)  
**_

**Chapter Four**

"You told me yesterday that you were sixteen when your teacher first made you see a psychologist. Why did she think you needed to?", Dr. Lecter wanted to know, looking at Will expectantly.

But he didn't intend to really get into talking with the psychiatrist right now, he just didn't feel like it. So, what Will did, was to keep on staring at the bright yellow wall behind the doctor, trying to figure out why he should lay his trust in him. One thing was for sure by now, at least he wasn't quite as annoying as the psychologists he had used to see. Although, Dr. Lecter, obviously, annoyed him on another level, since he actually was the reason, why Will even still was there. But he didn't try to be fake empathetic or to safeguard him exorbitantly, as if he was still a kid. Well, at least he didn't try yet.

"How was school for you? Have you been a good student, or didn't you like it a lot?", the doctor asked, intending again to make him talk.

"I don't think these two things have a lot to do with each other. You can be a good student, but still hate going to school", Will gave back, summing up his whole experience with school, without getting too precicely.

"Fair point. So, you've been writing straight As?", Dr. Lecter tried to be encouraging.

"I got a scholarship for college", he said, shortcut.

"But you don't have a degree", the psychiatrist commented.

"Is it required to have one?", Will gave back, a rethorical question.

He already started to dislike this topic of conversation. The reason why he finally dropped out of college, was obviously his mental state, but he didn't like at all to talk about that. It just made him feel uncomfortable. But then, when did he actually feel comfortable with anything ever?

"Of course not. What did you study?", Dr. Lecter asked and Will wasn't sure whether he wanted to know this, because he tried to calm him down a bit, before going on with asking the real important questions, or if he was actually interested in knowing.

"I started with psychology, kinda ironical, isn't it?", he answered with a fake laugh.

"Do you see it like this?" "I was interested in the subject and I...I thought I could maybe figure out...", Will started, but then trailed off again, not sure whether to speak it out aloud. But the doctor seemed to know what he had wanted to say anyway.

"You thought you could figure out like this, what might be wrong with you?", he promptly digged deeper.

There it was. The thing Will hated most about these people. You tell them one single thing, or you don't even tell them, and they start to peel you like an onion. Obviously Will didn't answer this question, but just this seemed to be enough for the doctor to know.

"When did you start feeling, that there might be something wrong with you?" This wasn't a tough question to answer, for sure.

"When others started treating me like it"

"Whom do you mean when you say "others"?", Dr. Lecter went on asking.

"Classmates, sometimes random people on the street, my father...", Will said, suddenly feeling emotionally exhausted from these questions.

Memories started to break in over him again, like they did thousands of times before, all of them unpleasant ones. He could feel how his body started shaking lightly and felt queasy. Pictures flushing through his head, some darker than others, some so dark, he'd long not dared even trying to think back of them. His head started spinning and he suddenly wasn't quite sure, where he actually was right now. Reality and memories seemed to blend into each other an he started breathing heavily. He couldn't see clear, couldn't focus anymore and felt like being pulled into a swirl of past memories...

"Will! Will, do you hear me?!", some distant voice tried to get him back and someone was gripping his right upper arm. Still he felt everything like from inside a tunnel, but as the grip on his arm intensified a bit and another hand patted his cheek, he managed to turn his consciousness back to the here and now. Away from the darkness. He was in that disgustingly bright room on the psychiatric floor of the local hospital. And Dr. Lecter was leaning over him, a hand still on his arm, as to remind him, that he was real, because he could be touched and feel. His breath still was unsteady and he felt like he'd just run half a mile.

"Here, look at me...look at me", Dr. Lecter said, as he realised that Will seemed to be back. He tried to clear his blurred view, blinking, in order to see the doctor clearly. Will focused his gaze on the doctor's face, without directly looking him in the eyes.

"Look at me", he repeated a bit more forcing, to make sure that his patient actually retrieved his senses. And Will reluctantly obeyed, lifting his gaze a bit, taking in the other's light brown eyes. There his own confusion met the doctor's, but there was also concern and relieve in Dr. Lecter's look.

"Good", Hannibal said, when noticing, that Will would be physically okay again - it wasn't something neurological, but obviously a psychological trauma, that he had to dig deeper into over the next time. Then he gave him a small encouraging smile, taking his hand back from Will's arm.

"You are going to be alright. Does this happen more often?"

"When...when it's triggered", he answered in a shaken voice, coughing to get it back to normal.

"Here, take a sip", the psychiatrist offered, handing him the mug on the bedside table.

Obviously Hannibal had tried to get some reaction out of Will by making him answer to his questions, but he hadn't quite thought that he'd get such a strong physical one. It was almost incredible to see, how deep these things in Will's mind - whichever they might exactly be - seemed to affect him on all levels.

Also somehow each of the topics they'd just ripped in, seemed to be linked up. At the moment, though, it was only possible for Hannibal to recognize a puzzle laid out far away and befoged, its pieces, however seemed to stay hidden somewhere deep in Will's mind and his past.

That was for sure, the key piece had to be something linked to his family. Mainly his father, since this seemed to have been the trigger for Will's most recent flash back.

"So what was the trigger here?", he asked, just to be sure.

"The stuff you asked me about. School, my studies...certain people...", his patient gave back, still pale and sweaty. He already was used to getting these flashbacks, but lately they hadn't been this extreme anymore. It was clearly obvious, that the doctor's questions finally had brought him closer to the edge again. And Will didn't quite now at the moment how far he could go with that.

"Your father in particular?", Hannibal tried to dig deeper, but - as he could have known - without any effect. "I'd rather not talk about him..." "Fine...let's talk about your mother, then? There's barely anything you said about her in your record, how's that?", he wanted to know instead.

"Probably because I also don't like to talk about her", Will answered and sounded somehow angry.

"What do you like talking about then?", the doctor asked, in an attempt to calm Will down before he could start to lose his temper once more.

"I don't like talking, having a conversation with people...it would require me to be more sociable. I don't think I am the sociable kind of person, am I?", he got back, another one of Will's ironical statements.

"But aren't we having a conversation right now?", Hannibal asked, because, obviously, Will kept answering - in some way, even if mostly not with the information the doctor could need to create a better picture of his patient.

"You're just asking questions..."

"And you keep answering...so, what do you like talking about?", the doctor repeated with a small grin.

For a while it seemed, like Will was thinking about what to say, trying to figure something out.

"I don't know...", he finally said. "I don't like conversations, as I said...I don't understand why most people always seem to...to want to have conversations, you know? I'm not really good at it...making friends and stuff...I have my dogs, they listen, but they don't talk back..."

"So you actually need talking...but you don't like people listening to you, they could judge you, ask annoying questions, right You rather choose talking to your dogs instead?"

He didn't get a reply on this again for quite some while, and as he did, it surprised him a bit.

"My dogs", Will started. "I put them in a shelter...the day I...", he interrupted himself then, sitting up straighter. "I need to get them back. Oh...maybe they already gave them away?! I need to go and get them!"

"Please, stay calm", Hannibal advised him, but Will didn't care.

Why didn't he think of his dogs earlier? It's been three days now, he didn't think that anyone would have got them by now -chances for that were pretty low, actually. But nevertheless he couldn't bare the thought of the only beings he ever considered as family being shut away in an animal shelter for anyone to just come and take them away.

"No, I need to get them out of there. They cannot take them away", he argued and started getting up, but the doctor put a hand on his shoulder and gestured him to sit back down.

"It's alright, I can take care of that for you"

"What?", Will replied, a bit unsure about the doctor's offer.

"I will call there and tell them to not give your dogs away, if this is what you would like."

"I want to see them", he gave back, still ready to get up and go to get to his dogs each second.

"I'm afraid, but I don't think this is possible for you. You're not allowed to leave here now", the psychiatrist commented, but obviously Will didn't want to listen.

"Don't tell me what's possible for me! I want to see my dogs, why can't I do that?!", he almost started screaming again, because he hated to get restricted by anyone. Why would he not be allowed to just go there and see his dogs for a while? Maybe he should promise to come back to the hospital in any case afterwards? But before he could go on with these thoughts, the doctor disrupted him once more.

"Will, listen to me. I am going to take care of it, okay? No one is taking your dogs away, alright? They'll take care of them until you'll be able to go and get them again. Is this okay for you?", Hannibal offered to his patient, feeling how much he cared for his animals. If he wasn't mistaken and rememberd the record correctly, they were even the reason why Will survived his first attempt at suicide.

"If there's no other option...then yes", Will answered after a while, and to Hannibal's surprise he didn't sound angry anymore, just sad.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Hey guys!**_

_**thanks a lot for all your interest in this story! I'm so happy, seeing how many of you like to read it is really is the biggest inspiration I can get! :) I'm having so many ideas in my mind, I just need to get them all on paper somehow :D sadly, it's still tough, because my laptop doesn't work yet. I'm still writing almost everything on my mobile and then upload it from my brother's laptop, but well, it works somehow ;) and I really hope you guys enjoy what I deliver :)**_

**Chapter Five **

Will found himself standing in the dining room. Actually he didn't want to be here, obviously not, because this required him to be around people. Precicely, other patients on this station.

On the other floors of the hospital, surgery, internal medicine and what they all were called, there weren't dining rooms for the patients, because a lot of them weren't even allowed to get up and walk around.

But on the psychiatric floor, everything was a bit different, as Will should learn this day. Before, no one had expected him to breakfast around other patients. They had wanted to give him some time and space after he was brought there, following his attempted suicide. This morning, however, the nurse had informed him, that he would have to go to the dining room, if he wanted to eat something. Obviously Will hadn't taken these news in a pleasant way.

"And why would you make me do that?", he asked, arms crossed in front of his chest, clearly showing that he totally didn't like the thought of having his breakfast together with other people, whom he didn't even know.

"We make you do that, so that you and the others come around people. So you can have some little chat if you like and don't feel too alone. It's not good if you're sitting alone in this room the whole day. This applies to every other patient here as well. some have experienced similiar things to you, it could help you to talk to them",the nurse explained and Will listened only half-heartedly.

He didn't feel like having his breakfast in front of others, he had never liked it. Plus, he didn't even know these people. And he also didn't feel at all like getting to know to them. He just has never been a sociable person. In his current situation maybe even less so.

The nurse said, others have had similiar experiences. Awesome. Did this qualify them to become best friends now? Should they found a club named "Suicide survivors"?

He just didn't understand, why he couldn't stay alone. Alone was fine for him. Alone suited him, he liked it. What he didn't like, however, was the perspective, of only getting something to eat if he would join other people for it.

"...that's why we also have therapy groups, additionally to the therapy sessions with the psychiatrists. In these groups, you can talk to each other. Or you can just listen if you prefer that. There are other groups too, like a painting group, a gymnastics group and then you can also have your lunch and dinner together with...", he heard the nurse going on and was ripped out of his thoughts by these words.

"Did you just say you're expecting me not only to take my breakfast with other people, but also paint with them? Or do yoga with them?!", he asked, looking rather disturbed, because this thought alone made him want to puke.

"Yes! Because this supports your healing progress and maybe you'll be able to go home earlier", the nurse said, trying to sound encouraging and not annoyed of Will's defensive demeanor.

"I don't want to go, I don't feel like it", Will gave back, and sounded stubborn as ever. Even if he really wasn't, because the actual reason he didn't like to go there was, that he rather prefered to be left alone.

"Dr. Lecter meant you would surely say that", the nurse countered, which made Will give her a confused look.

"What has Dr. Lecter got to do with that?", he wanted to know, because he couldn't see how the psychiatrist would be in charge of his breakfast.

"He knew that you'd be reluctant to leave your room and start to be sociable", the nurse started and Will snorted, because obviously Dr. Lecter knew, since he had told him so himself.

"And to make you want to participate more in the daily life on this station, he said, he'd have a surprise for you tomorrow, if you did so"

"A surprise?", Will repeated with a facial expression that basically screamed 'what the fuck?!'.

Apart from the fact that he really didn't like surprises, he couldn't see, why the doctor would feel the need to treat him into wanting to leave his room.

"He adviced me to tell you so", the nurse meant.

"But why?"

"That's all I know...so, do you feel like having breakfast now?", she said, looking at him expectantly and he hated that expression on her face.

"And what if I don't care about this surprise?", Will just gave back, because he really didn't care at all.

"Dr. Lecter said you will"

"How would he know?"

"Mr. Graham, see, I don't make the rules, I'm just telling you what he told me. But I really think, that even if you're not interested in surprises, you should go and have some breakfast. You look like you could need it", the nurse answered honestly.

And in the end, it actually was hunger that had driven him to the dining room, rather than any surprise that the psychiatrist had promised. Will didn't even care to think about what it might be, it just really didn't interest him.

His only focus for now laid on getting something into his stomach, whilst not engaging into some social situation too much. At first this really seemed to work. As he stepped into the bright room, all painted in cream and light orange, apart from some nurse, only two other patients were there so far.

There was a middle aged blonde woman, pouring herself a cup of coffee. She seemed to be nothing but skin and bones and Will wondered whether she was on this station due to an eating disorder. If she had some other disease, that had caused her to lose that much weight, she most certainly wouldn't be on the psychiatric floor.

The other patient was a plump man with curly brown hair and a beard who sat at the dining table and seemed to be crying into a handkerchief.

"Oh Franklyn, come on...do you want me to bring you a cup of coffee?", the blonde woman asked, trying to sound cheerful.

"Nooo...", the man named Franklyn cried. "I want camomile tea. Why don't you have any today?", he sobbed and his question was directed at the nurse.

"I'm really sorry, but we run out of it. We'll have new camomile this afternoon, I promise! We're getting a new food order in at noon!"

"But you know...you know I only drink camomile tea", Franklyn sobbed and seemed to take the whole situation extremely personally.

Just as Will stepped closer to the table with the food and drinks on it, he was realised by the nurse. It was the one he had discussed with about going to see Dr. Lecter on his first day here. "Good morning, Mr. Graham! I see you finally join us for breakfast today!"

"Morning", he mumbled, not looking at any of the attendees directly.

"He's a little reluctant", he heard the nurse say to the blonde woman, but he didn't care. Good. They should all just leave him alone, so that he could eat in peace.

But the woman didn't seem to be impressed by that, because a moment later she stood next to Will, holding a bony hand out to him.

"I'm Beth"

"Will", he only returned, without giving her a look and poured himself a cup of coffee.

"Do you want to sit with Franklyn and me?", Beth asked and Will already rolled his eyes. Couldn't she understand, that he just wanted to have his food in quiet?

"Come on, Beth, leave the guy alone", another voice behind him said and Will quietly thanked the man, because he really didn't want anything rather than to be left alone.

„Oh, Tom...morning!", Beth said, turning around to face him.

Also Will took a look over his shoulder to see who had saved him from unwanted company. Tom was a slender guy in his mid-thirties, grim looking, with hollow cheeks and due to some unexplainable reason, he trembled like a leaf. An ex junkie? Maybe.

Well, Will didn't care, as long as Beth was distracted now and he could take some toast, cheese and sausages and look for a place to take a seat.

He decided for one slightly afar from where the others were, so that none of them would get the idea to start talking to him again. And he just hoped, that maybe Tom would make Beth understand, that not everyone liked to be talked to. He didn't care about Franklyn anyway, who still was crying a little over his non-existent camomile.

Will had almost survived his breakfast without getting disturbed by anyone again, as someone new stepped at the table, opposite of him.

"You're new here", a girl's voice said, and Will was wondering about whether he could maybe just pour the rest of his orange juice over her head, so that she would shut up.

"Do you mind if I take this seat here?", she asked, but just sitting down without waiting for an answer, whilst Will still hadn't looked up from his plate.

"So, when did you come here?", the girl went on, not caring that Will didn't pay attention to her so far. Maybe she thought if she went on annoying him, that he'd answer her.

"Oh, by the way, my name's Abigail!", she noticed and then laughed, just a little. This made her seem far more likeable than her ongoing chatter, so Will sighed and finally looked up at her.

She didn't seem older than maybe seventeen, long brown hair, big sad looking blue eyes. There was a bandage around her left wrist.

"Why are you here?", he heard himself asking, before he could stop himself. He just didn't like the thought at all, that this girl seemed to have indeed a similiar history to his own. And he couldn't even know yet, how true he was with this assumption.

"Ah, you can talk", Abigail answered with a slight grin. "Don't you think you should at least tell me your name, before you ask me this question?"

"Sorry...I'm Will", he introduced himself.

"So, you've not being here for long, have you?", Abigail just went on, ignoring his prior question, but Will actually could understand her. He also wouldn't have answered to that question right away, if some stranger asked him.

"That's my fourth day"

"Ah, I see", the girl meant, sipping on her orange juice. For some moment, she was quiet, eating some of her scrambled eggs.

„I think you can guess from that, why I'm here", she said then, pointing at the bandage on her wrist and Will only nodded.

"Why are you here?"

"I was...", he started, unsure of what to tell her, not wanting to tell her anything, actually.

"You were?", she encouraged him to go on.

"I'm here because of Dr. Lecter", Will finally said, drinking out his last juice and getting up, because he couldn't take talking to Abigail any longer. He needed to be alone again.


	6. Chapter 6

**_Hey guys,_**

**_Sorry for the dealy, I first had to finish my essay for uni XD And I'm still writing on my mobile, but next week my laptop should hopefully work again xD Thanks to those of you who still stick around with me! :)  
_**

**_But I kinda had the impression, that you didn't like that I involved Abigail, or did you? Well, I'm just figuring that from dicreased numbers of visitors for the last chapter. No worries, though, Hannibal will be back to the story pretty soon! Now however, indulge a little deeper into Will's past in the second part of this chapter here..._**

**Chapter Six**

It was late afternoon when it knocked on Will's door and he got distracted from nothing more but dozing off lightly while staring out of the window into a grey-ish winter day. He guessed that it was a nurse, trying to annoy him with some other stuff again. Like persuading him why it was necessary to go and get some lunch. But he'd succesfully overheard her pleading and nagging.

But when the door was opened, and he turned around to find out who had stepped in, he was surprised to find Abigail standing there.

"Hey, Will", she said, giving him a small, encouraging smile, that was nothing but faked. He knew when he saw a faked smile, he used it himself all of the time. Actually it was surprising how many people believed it and never dared to question it.

"Hey", he gave back, still surprised and a little confused about this visitor.

"What are you doing here?", he wanted to know then, sitting up on the bed and let his feet hover right above the floor.

"I just wondered what you were doing all day long. Since you didn't show up for lunch and neither for any of the afternoon groups", the girl said and Will was left astonished about the fact that she actually seemed to care.

Most people didn't make the effort to try to talk to him again when they see his reluctant side, but in almost every occasion it was exactly what he wanted. Just to be left alone.

"I don't like being around people too much", he explained and felt like he had to repeat himself all the time since he got here.

"Why?...an anxiety disorder?", Abigail asked as if she knew what she was talking about.

"It occurs", he said shortcut, because he didn't feel like discussing his conditions with someone he just had met.

In some situations he was taken by fear, all of a sudden it flooded through his whole body like a hot wave, then leaving him all cold, trembling, unable to breath properly and with a wild beating heart. It happened sometimes when he was in a place with too many people. When he felt caged, when there were too many new things all at once. Or when he remembered something from his past, that he rather shouldn't have.

"I was fighting it too", Abigail meant, taking a seat on that chair where Dr. Lecter had been sitting when he had talked to Will.

"You beat it?", Will asked, and it rather was a question as to how she did it, not if she did so.

"I'm on my way"

Will didn't find anything to give back here, so he was left to just observe the blue floor underneath his dangling feet. Though, he wasn't as annoyed with this girl anymore as he was at breakfast time. She showed an honest interest in him, so maybe he should at least try to do so as well?

"You should take part in some of the groups, you know?", was the next thing Abigail said. Seemed like she didn't want to give up talking to him, even if he didn't want to make the required effort in holding up a conversation.

Her sad eyes tried to find his, but he couldn't give in to her look, it was too hard for him.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I know that it actually can help", the girl explained and he wondered if it was true. Then, on the other hand, if it helped Abigail, it didn't mean it would help him as well. He didn't know her story, and right now, he also didn't care to know.

"I'll think about it", Will considered, because he had no energy for this right now.

He didn't feel like doing some gymnastics with all the others. How should he, if he didn't even have enough will to attend lunch this noon? Rather he'd stayed in his room with a rumbling stomach, not able to get up. Now, he didn't want to throw Abigail out, because she seemed to be nice, but he also didn't want to go on talking.

If he only could bring up some effort, maybe he could become friendly with her. He didn't have a proper friend in years. Maybe because he never felt like all the effort was worth it. Or because not many even made an effort to show him that they'd like to become friends with him. For now he decided against this possibility, because he didn't find the will, nor the energy required to make an attempt at even trying to make something like a friend.

"I'm sorry, but would you mind leaving?", he asked her, as polite as he could bring up.

"I just thought that maybe you could need some company..."

"Thanks for that...I'm just not a company-loving person, you know", he meant, as she got up to leave.

"I don't suppose you'll come to dinner with us others?", Abigail asked, when at the door.

"I suppose not. If I can make the nurse bring me some food", Will answered, a faked grin on his lips, because again, he couldn't bring himself to show a real one.

"See you around, then", the girl said, before leaving.

And Will was more than glad to be left alone again. He thought he could like Abigail, if he could ever like people enough again. She seemed nice and she'd actually come to talk to him, after he had been so neglecting to her in the morning. Maybe she just felt lonely and wanted someone to talk to, someone other than the psychiatrists.

In the evening, he could persuade the nurse to bring him some dinner to his room by pointing out, that he'd not only been sociable for breakfast, but also had talked to Abigail in the afternoon. Obviously he left out, that it was the girl who had been seeking him out.

* * *

He was lying in bed and couldn't fall asleep, because he was afraid, once more. Not of the darkness, that other kids his age feared, no. Since he had learned what real fear looked like, he wasn't afraid of green hairy monsters underneath his bed anymore. They were just thoughts, they didn't exist for real.

That there lived indeed a monster under the very same rooftop with him, wasn't quite that obvious to him all of the time yet. Will was seven years old, only a little boy, but he already had to experience worse than most people ever would.

Also this night, he whitnessed them, screaming, as always. And he was powerless about it, couldn't do anything, as always. He was seven years old, just a little boy.

His father was always drunk. When he wasn't drunk, he was asleep. That's how he could stand him the most, because at least, he wasn't screaming then. Always complaining, always baiting and bashing. First verbally, then pouding.

He was like a volcano. You never dared to say a word, it could be the trigger for him to explode. It could be the last thing you said, before he smashed you to the ground. The least he ever got away with, were some slaps in the face and that already was enough to make his cheeks swell a little.

His mother would never let him go to school like this. With bruises, a black eye or cuts. But sometimes they had to seek out a doctor, then his mother told him, that he'd fallen from a tree, or had a fight with some bigger kid.

Will didn't understand why his mother never said the truth and told him not to do so either. But he thought, that maybe his father could find out in the end and make it even worse. He thought his mother was as afraid as he was himself. Everyone who ever had whitness his father drunk, would affirm that.

Now they were screaming again. If it only was them yelling the worst things at each other, it wasn't even that bad. That's what it always was like when his father was awake. Will couldn't remember having any other memories of him than being angry and enraged about something. He couldn't even understand how someone could always be like that, but he guessed it came from the alcohol, even if he didn't comprehend how this could be the case. Wasn't it just some beverage?

He couldn't hear their exact words, because he had his head pressed in his pillow. But he could feel his mother's fear, his father's rage.

It was always like that. He didn't know what it was, that made his father furious as he got, but when he slapped him, he could feel all the fury his father laid in the punch. Sometimes when he looked at him, Will felt anger, wrath. Sometimes it was his own, being beyond angry for the things his father did. But sometimes, he could feel so much more and he couldn't even coordinate all these feelings, that seemed to crush him.

When he looked at his mother, however, he felt mostly fear. Desperation. It were the feelings he shared as well. Then, his mother also felt dependent and that's what he didn't understand.

Sometimes he thought, if he only was older, stronger, he could oppose his father. He wouldn't be so powerless. Then he could act on the rage he felt inside of him. He could fight back.

But he couldn't. He was only a little boy, left to punch the wall next to his bed. Long ago had he given up on crying in his pillow. He'd learned that crying didn't help him. In the end, no one helped him. His mother intervened, when his father dared to lay a hand on him again. At least as long as she doesn't get punched down as well. Most of the time then, they both end up being knocked to the floor, until a sudden realization strucks his father.

And then he lets go and leaves them be. Only to drink more and more, until he passes out to wake up completely hungover and start drinking again. It went on and on and on like this. There didn't seem to be an end, not yet...

* * *

Sweating and panting for air, Will woke from another well known dream involving his oh so well protected childhood. Clenching his fists in bitterness he punched the mattress, since the next wall was too far away to reach. He guessed that he probably could never leave this pattern anymore, but he didn't care, as long as he could calm down in some way.

When the trembling had stopped and he could breath again, he got up to peel off his sweat-soaked t-shirt. But mostly he did so in order to make himself realize that he wasn't in his dream anymore. He wasn't this helpless, frightened little boy anymore. He was twenty-eight years old and hadn't seen any of his parents in years.

Nevertheless those memories kept haunting him, sometimes more, sometimes less. This night it had been a tough one again, but not the worst he thought to remember. Anways he laid wide awake for the next few hours, waiting for the pitch black night sky to turn into pale grey, announcing the next morning.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Hey there, guys!**_

_**thanks for all the new follows, I'm flattered with your continued interest in this story****! However, you're also allowed to tell me, what you think about it, you know that, right? :D Anyway, it took me a few days longer to continue writing, I had some emotionally rough days. But then I watched the latest episode of Hannibal this afternoon, which was really damn brilliant, by the way! - and I got inspired again. I should really be able to keep on posting regularly, so no worries :) Well, just enjoy the chapter!**_

* * *

When the nurse came in to check on him the next morning, Will was asleep. Fatigue had worn him out in the end, even if he had desperatley tried to stay awake in order to avoid further nightmares. At least that was made up to him, since the rest of the night, his sleep was dreamless. Nevertheless, when he heard the door and the nurse who carefully tried not to startle him, he sat straight in bed in an instant and glared at her, as if she'd just personally insulted him.

"Good morning, Mr. Graham", she tried to sound cheerfully and smiled at him, but he still kept on glaring at her.

He felt miserable. Even if he didn't have another dream that night, the first one still lingered in his mind and he seemingly couldn't just get rid of it that easily. He knew these dreams, these memories all too well, since he had re-lived them frequently. Still it was tough on him every single time.

"How are you feeling today?", the nurse asked him, checking his pulse for some reason he wasn't aware of.

Maybe he looked as if he'd had a panick attack, which basically was accurate.

"As always", Will just gave back, making a statement without really giving anything away.

"You had a rough night?", she went on, and he hated her for digging deeper. He didn't intend to tell her anything.

"Guess so."

"Well, I think, maybe a nice breakfast could help you here!", the nurse suggested then and the urge to punch her increased dramatically.

"I'm not hungry", he just gave back, falling into his pillows again.

"Mr. Graham, you already didn't have any lunch yesterday, you have to eat something!" Oh, how he wished that she'd just shut up. His head was revolting and throbing and he couldn't stand talking to her.

"No, I don't. I had dinner last night", Will answered, his back turned to her, just wanting her to go away and leave him alone.

"Maybe you'll change your mind. Then you can always come and get something. But only until 9am, you know that!", the nurse explained to him and he didn't even listen properly anymore, because obviously he knew that.

"However, if you don't want to leave your room for breakfast, you need to see Dr. Lecter in the afternoon. He told me that your next session is set for 2pm and he awaits you in his office."

"Yeah, I'll see if I wanna go."

"No, that's not up for debate! You have to go", she gave back insistently.

"You cannot make me", he just said, anger clearly laid in his voice and he pressed a hand to his forehead, trying to keep calm and breath.

"Dr. Lecter could always come to your room, however, he'd apprecciate if you just did it like the other patients and attended office hours. So you see, you cannot really avoid seeing him," the nurse meant. As he just didn't give back any reply, she pointed out once more, how important it was that he got some breakfast and that he could always just come around to get some, then she eventually left the room.

Will really wasn't hungry at all. Those memories from his childhood were like a heavy stone in his stomach, even now, after years and years that he hadn't heard a word of his father. He wasn't even sure about his whereabouts. The last thing he got before he took off to college all these years ago, was that his father finally had been accused and would be put behind bars. Finally justice had been served. If it was up to Will, he could stay in jail, rotting. But he only got a couple of years, since nothing could be held against him concerning the disappearance of Will's mother...

* * *

By noon, Will still hadn't gotten out of bed, rather he'd dozed away again, getting the rest he couldn't find during nighttimes. So when he finally opened his eyes again, sleepy and in no better mood than hours before, he realized that it was 1pm and he'd missed lunch. As by now his stomach was grumbling, he gulped down some water directly from the bottle on the nighstand, before he stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom.

After he'd taken a shower and felt a little more alive, he stepped out into the hospital room again, just wondering whether he could persuade one of the nurses to bring him some lunch, only to find a by now well known figure, neatly dressed as always, sitting in one of the chairs, waiting for him.

"Dr. Lecter", he said, obviously surprised to find the psychiatrist here. Hadn't the nurse said, that he wanted Will to come to his office this time?

"Hello, Will", the doctor replied, a light smile spreading on his face, that Will didn't return, still he was taken aback by his visitor, since he didn't expect him to show up again here.

"I figured you might be hungry", he continued then, pointing to the plastic containers and cutlery he'd put on the small table, he had taken place at.

"The nurses let me know, that you don't take dinnertimes too seriously. Well, or attending those meals", there was an amused, but also dispraising understone in his voice.

"So, you brought me lunch?", Will asked, stepping closer and taking the other seat, while sounding rather hopeful, because he wasn't sure whether the nurses apprecciated to have to bring him his portion every day, if he actually was supposed to eat together with the other patients.

"Yes. It's leftovers from the dinner I cooked last night and I actually brought them for myself, because I prefer knowing what I put into my body. Being quite honest, everyone thinks that hospital food isn't the best, right?", the doctor explained to him and for the first time, Will found him somehow likeable.

Not only did he cook the food himself, but also was he willing to give away his lunch to Will, because he knew that he had struggled to leave his room and engage in a social situatiuon.

"Is it okay that I just...I mean it's your lunch", Will said, looking at the boxes in front of him hesitantly.

"Please, I insist that you have it!", Dr. Lecter meant, naturally, reaching over to open the containers and exposed the steaming potatoes, roast pork and vegetables, It looked delicious.

"I used the microwave they have in the dinner room", he explained at Will's questioning look, his tone clearly gave away, that he actually wasn't too fond of having to use a microwave.

"Thank you", Will gave back, giving the psychiatrist a short, apprecciating look, before finally getting something into his stomach. "That's really good", he commented after some bites.

"You're welcome.", the doctor just said, once more with that slight smile on his face.

"So...you're always cooking for yourself?", Will wanted to know after some quiet moments, because he was really interested. Himself, he could make some pancakes or spaghetti, but that was it.

"It's one of my passions, yes. As I said, I take care of what I put into my body and I don't really apprecciate to support factory farming and such things", Hannibal explained.

He detested the idea of animals being pent-up in small spaces, being tortured and fattened in a way too short time. The same went for non organic food. It just made him feel better to know that he didn't eat any chemical substances with his vegetables or fruits. And he'd always been interested in cooking, for him, it wasn't only preparing a meal, it was art. There were so many ways to work on the ingredients and he loved to find out even more. It was just a pity, that apart from his dinner parties, that his collegues and friends adored, he always just could make dinner for himself. So that's why most of the days, he brought leftovers for lunch in order to avoid the cheap canteen food.

Will wondered what Dr. Lecter's other passions were and came to the conclusion, that a dapper gentleman like this doctor, would probably love fine arts, classical music, but he didn't dare to ask. Also he wasn't sure, why he even was thinking of that. Anyways, even if he hated to, he had to admit, that he found the man more interesting than he'd expected to. Otherwise he wouldn't want to ask questions.

"Why didn't you want to eat with the others?", the doctor asked, as Will was almost done with lunch.

"What do you suppose?", Will gave back, grimacing a little, because he knew that the doctor knew his answer already.

"You don't feel sociable enough to betake into a room full of strangers and be comfortable enough there to have a meal", Dr. Lecter expressed, what Will also would have answered, just probably not with the same choice of words.

"Why do you ask, when you know my answer anyway?"

"I wanted to hear it come from your mouth", the psychiatrist gave back and Will just nodded. Also Hannibal's intention was, trying to make Will talk about rather harmless topics, so that he could build some trust, before they went on to more dangerous territories, namely Will's childhood traumata.

"You felt comfortable enough, however, to take your lunch in front of me", he remarked a moment later, sounding a little amused.

"You brought it to me", Will said, as if that explained everything and for him it did.

"Yesterday you had breakfast with the others", it wasn't a question, but a simple statement, so Will didn't know whether he was required to answer to that. In the end he did.

"I was hungry."

"Did you get to know to the other patients?"

"More or less", was his shortcut answer.

"You seemed to get along with Abigail Hobbs rather well." Another one of those statements.

"She talked to me. I didn't want to talk to her", Will said.

"Why not?"

"I wasn't interested enough and felt tired and worn out. I always feel like that", he gave back, sounding somehow desperate.

"I will prescribe you medication for that. It will help you to feel fitter and more morivated", the doctor said, trying to sound encouraging.

"I don't want some new medication. I already had enough of that stuff", Will protested, because he didn't understand why this medication would help him, if a dozen others hadn't.

"Will you at least try it, if I promise you, that you can dispose it again if it isn't of any use?", the doctor asked and for a moment Will felt like he was being talked to as if he was a kid, which made him remember something else.

"I was told, you already promised me a 'surprise' in case I went to breakfast yesterday", he meant, light sarcasm in his voice.

To his astonishment, a smile spread on the doctor's face. "Ah, yes. That's what I also planned to tell you during our chat. And I'm quite sure you'll like it."

"So...what is it, then?", Will wanted to know, not as annoyed as he was before. Actually he was curious about it, he couldn't even deny that.

"Will you try the medicine?", the other man asked and Will could see the spark of amusement in the light brown eyes, as he shortly catched his view. The doctor was clearly enjoying making a little game out of this, so why not playing along?

"Are you trying to bribe me, Dr. Lecter?", Will asked, intending to sound seriously, but couldn't quite hide an amused undertone. He clearly started to find this doctor here, for once, pretty likeable, even if he had intended not to.

"Believe me, it will be worth it", Dr. Lecter meant, clearly convinced of whatever it was that he wanted to surprise Will with.

"Oh, I do hope that!"


	8. Chapter 8

_**Hey** **guys,**_

_**wow, I'm back way earlier than expected, because I just was so excited to write on! thank you all a lot for all the reviews and follows, I feel flattered, as always! :) This chapter here was supposed to be not as dark as some of the others, but I don't know how it happened, it still is kinda sad, at least partly...but it focuses mostly on the trust and the relationship that's being built between Will and Hannibal. I really hope you do enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing! **_

* * *

Will felt like a bird being released out of its cage and finally being able to properly spread its wings, when he stepped out of the hospital into the cool, but sunny winter day. He didn't go outside in a week and it was nice to feel the cold air on his face, being able to walk around, even if just to the parking lot. Dr. Lecter was at his side, pointing out a grey-ish Jaguar as his own.

"So, you're just gonna kidnap me, or what?", Will said, jokingly, this time without his typical sarcastic undertone.

Obviously this didn't go unnoticed by Hannibal, who was glad that his plan seemed to work out so far. Will appeared to be almost relaxed, for the first time since he'd met him. Of course he was far from being cured, they probably hadn't even really quite started that process yet, and he also shouldn't wander around here, but he wasn't alone. As long as the doctor was with him, he should be alright. It already seemed like half a wonder to him, that Will actually agreed leaving with him, although Hannibal hadn't even quite told him where they were heading. But he guessed, that Will just needed to get out of the hospital for a while.

"If you want to call it like that", Hannibal replied slightly amused, as he started the engine. "I prefer saying that I take you on a trip. May I ask you to explain me the directions to your home?"

"You're taking me home?", Will replied, surprise in his voice.

But also a hint of nervousness and disappointment. He wasn't quite sure what to think of that. Why did Dr. Lecter want to bring him home? Was this a way to find a new approach to talk about his parents? Also he'd find himself hoping, just a little, that the doctor would bring him to the shelter so that he could see his dogs...

"I let my my collegues know, that I would take you out under my supervision to collect some personal items from your appartment. Since you said you don't have anyone who could visit you and bring you those things. I realised you'd only always be wearing the clothes the hospital provided or what you had on your body when you got there", the doctor explained and took his gaze off the road for a moment, to let it wander over to Will, giving him a polite smile.

As a matter of fact, Will was wearing a too big dark brown coat over his t-shirt, that the doctor had lent him, because he hadn't had any jacket with him the day the psychiatrist had hospitalised him. And he really apprecciated that Dr. Lecter had thought of this, because he got tired of the hospital robes and just wanted to have some sweatpants and t-shirts.

"Thanks, that was mindful of you", Will answered, but still not so sure, whether the doctor might not have any deeper intentions by bringing him home.

* * *

After a short ride, Dr. Lecter stopped the car in front of a four-story appartment house Will had navigated them to. This part of town did neither look too run-down, but nor quite middle-class either. When getting out of the car, Will noticed the Christmas decoration everywhere for the first time and had to ask the doctor for the calendar date. It was less than a week before Christmas.

"You're not from here, are you?", the psychiatrist asked, when they went upstairs to the second floor, where Will opened the door to his flat and let the other step in first.

"No, I grew up in Louisiana. I first came here for college and lived in the dorms...after I dropped out, I was lucky to get this flat", Will told, hinting the doctor to take a seat on the couch in his small living room.

"I'm just gonna pick up some things then", he added and crossed the corridor to disappear in his bedroom and to collect some things in a backpack.

Meanwhile, Hannibal had stood up again from the way too tiny green-ish couch to wander around in the room, taking in his surroundings. There was a coffee table, a tube TV, a bookcase also filled with some CDs and DVDs. He let his view roam over the titles, some classical ones, not only in the book, also the CD section. Added by some rock records, Sci-Fi movies and documentaries.

Far more interesting than this were the pictures on the walls and the dresser. There were photographs of landscapes, a lake lined with trees, that were reflected on its surface; a group of deer on a meadow; two dogs, obviously mutts, romping around in the woods. On the dresser, there lay some charcoal drawings of flowers; another picture of the dogs, this time with Will in it, but also a couple of fly-fishing lures, that looked self-made.

Hannibal had just extended a hand to examine one of them, as Will came out of his bedroom, wearing new jeans and some plaid shirt, a backpack hung over one shoulder and the doctor's coat looped over the other arm.

"You're a fly-fisher?", the doctor wanted to know, eyeing the lure carefully.

"Yeah, I go fishing every now and then", Will acknowledged, wondering for an instant, what the psychiatrist might probably figure from his interior.

"These drawings are stunning", Dr. Lecter commented next, nodding to the charcoal flowers.

"Thanks", the hint of a smile spooked on Will's lips. "I haven't drawn anything in a while, though", he added, some regret in his voice.

"Why not?"

"Didn't feel like it. Barely went outside lately...only for short walks with the dogs", he explained, shrugging, and taking a seat on the arm rest of the couch.

"How do you make a living? What did you do after you dropped out of college?", the other man went on asking and Will wasn't quite sure once again, if he did so just out of interest, or with the hidden agenda to make him talk in the end.

"Gotta thank my neighbour for it. Jack...he's a car mechanic. That's the only thing I've ever learnd from my father, I guess", he snorted shortly, before going on. "First I scratched a living by working in a diner, but that wasn't for me...So, Jack knew I needed work and he was looking for people. That's how I got a job, that I kinda liked at least and that I did until around a year ago..."

"Until you tried to take your life for the first time?", the doctor assumed, still standing near the dresser and Will only nodded.

"Jack found me, when the dogs went nuts."

"Where's he now?"

"In California, with his wife...she's suffering from cancer and they're doing some fancy therapy there...he had to sell the repair shop to afford it", Will explained.

"So, then you're living from unemployment-pay now?", the psychiatrist wanted to know.

"Also because my mental condition didn't allow me to keep on working...", he mumbled sheepishly.

"What do you want to do?", Dr. Lecter said.

"Excuse me?"

"What kind of profession do you want to pursue, when therapy starts working and you're allowed to leave the hospital?", he specified.

"Uhm...well, I guess...I don't know", Will stammered, because he indeed was rather clueless.

Well, actually there were some things he could imagine. But he didn't dare to think of this just yet, because it seemed so far away. In order to work, he first had the get out of the hospital and therefore, he had to get mentally stable again. From a state of mental stability, however, he felt lightyears away at the moment. Even if for once - thanks to the doctor being so subtle and trustworthy, and never making Will anything do that he absolutely couldn't or didn't want to - he didn't feel all that awkward around him and actually could manage to keep up a conversation somehow.

"How did you know that you wanted to become a doctor?", Will asked then, before Dr. Lecter could pre-empt him. He really wanted to know. Also this was rather new and rare. Will barely could or liked keeping up a chat by aking questions of his own.

Hannibal sighed a little and walked over to the armchair, not because he needed to rest his legs, but rather because he wanted to buy some time before answering. He usually didn't like talking about this topic, but he felt, like he should tell Will this story in order to gain a little more of his trust. Also because he sensed, that Will seemed actually in a pretty good and talkative condition right now, so he wanted to keep it going. He sat down, crossed his legs and looked over to his patient, who was still leaning on the arm rest.

"I already told you, that I had to live with my uncle, because my family died. I was just a boy, when it happened. We had a car accident on icy road...", he finally started and found it, as always, tough to speak about it, even after more than thirty years.

"The car crashed into a tree, my parents were both dead. Broken necks...It was a wonder, that I survived with pretty little injury. Some cuts, a light whiplash, a broken rip...", he stopped again, seemingly gathering his thoughts, but actually arranging his feelings.

"My younger sister, however...she had a major laceration in her chest due to a huge chip of the front shield. I tried everything I could to save her...to somehow stop the bleeding, but...I couldn't help her. My parents were dead in the front seats and I whitnessed my little sister bleeding out...so, later I decided, I wanted to become a doctor in order to be able to help people...", Hannibal finished, clearing his throat.

Will swore he could see the doctor's eyes getting somewhat teary while telling about this tragic accident and he quickly averted his gaze, swallowing hard, while he clearly could feel the pain these memories were still causing the other man.

"I'm sorry...I shouldn't have asked you that", he said, apologetically.

"It's fine, you couldn't know", the doctor said and he meant it, reassuring Will by smiling slightly. It was a sad smile, however.

"You loved your family", Will stated, feeling sick in the guts. It just really didn't occur fair to him, that he was stuck with a mother who seemed to be too weak to fight for him and a father who really wasn't more than his creator, whilst Dr. Lecter just lost his family, he seemed to care a lot about. But then, when was something ever fair?

"Yes, very much. I adored my mother, my father was my idol and I would have protected my sister with my life, but I couldn't...", the doctor answered, then adding, only out of curiosity "Do you have any siblings, Will?"

"None of which I know, at least...I wouldn't put it past my father to have some bastards wandering around, though."

Will's bitter tone was back and Hannibal already was assuming, that his patient would start to block things out again, not wanting to go on talking. But he really couldn't need him to do so again, he had intended to make him trust him and not putting him at the edge once more. Not for now, at least. So he changed the topic, back to lighter fields, seemingly puzzling Will by doing so.

"A photographer?", Will asked back at the question whether he had considered this as a job. But not because he couldn't ever imagine this, actually he could so very well, but he just was astonished by the change of topics. Actually he'd almost expected Dr. Lecter to dig deeper into his relationship with his parents, so he was more than just surprised that he didn't. But also he apprecciated it a lot, because he really wasn't ready now to talk about this. Maybe the doctor was clealry aware of that.

"Yes, is this so absurd?", Dr. Lecter wanted to know, laughing a bit about Will's reaction.

"No...no, not at all", Will replied, kinda amused as well. "Actually I really would love to do that."

"I was just figuring, since these photographs are really extraordinary."

"Yeah, thanks...", Will answered, once more quite sheepishly.

"You should keep this in mind, you know. When you're back in the hospital, working to get healthy, to feel better, then you should keep in mind all the things that you enjoy, that make you feel good. You will need it, because it's a long way to go", the doctor reminded him, but it sounded encouraging nevertheless.

"I'm gonna try", he said and Dr. Lecter looked at him, as if he wanted to say 'I know you will'. He didn't, though, but anyway Will had the feeling, like finally something changed inside of his mind. For the first time in what felt like an eternity, there was a little light inside of all the darkness. It was tiny, just a spark, but even from the tiniest of sparks there could grow a flame, given there was an accelerant. He just had to find and hold on to it...

"Did I mention, that this was just the first stop on our trip?", Will was then disrupted from thinking about this new feeling inside of him and looked up curiously.

"What do you mean?"

"You'll see", the doctor replied, once more with his typical slight smile.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Hey guys!**_

_**the latest episode of Hannibal was pretty confusing, wasn't it? I've watched it twice and I'm still triying to figure out whether Hannibal is the killer of the bailiff, or whether there actually is a 3rd perp, I tend to the latter...any opinions on that from your side?**_

_**after I've been putting this off for like three chapters, now FINALLY Will is re-united with his dogs! I really hope you like the chapter! Thank you all for reading and enjoy :)**_

* * *

The next stop was at the animal shelter where Will had brought his dogs to. When he got off the car, he felt like he hadn't felt in ages: excited. Happy. Also kind of grateful that Dr. Lecter had indeed found a way to let him see his beloved pets.

His dogs were all he'd got left, the only real family he ever had. They were always there for him, always listened, without asking annoying questions, without judging, or treating him weirdly for being a little awkward. On the contrary, no matter what he did or said, they always loved him unconditionally.

Passing by the boxes, guided by a woman who worked there, seeing all the dogs of the most different breeds and sizes, made him feel incredibly regretful and also angry at himself. How could he possible bring his dogs here?

"Here we are", the woman finally said, stopping in front of one of the boxes and opening it.

Inside were two mongrels, a mid-sized one, of that typically ash blond colour and a smaller brown speckled terrier mutt. As soon as they recognized Will, they run up to him, jumping, tail wagging and yapping joyfully, whilst Will kneeled down to pat and embrace them, getting all licked over the face by doing so.

"Hey, hey there buddies...", he said, obvious joy in his voice. "Yeah, I'm also happy to see you, boys...I've missed you...yes, yes you too, Winston" Some more patting and cuddling followed.

Hannibal observed the scene from outside the box and a smile crept on his face. It was almost adorable how Will acted around his dogs. There was not much of the darkness that surrounded him, or his awkwardness, but rather he reminded the doctor of a boy, all carefree and sound. Will was smiling for the first time since Hannibal had met him and he could see it was an honest smile, there was a glint in his eyes and true happiness, love in his voice, when talking to the animals.

Seeing Will like this re-affirmed Hannibal that it was worth trying to help him. Too many people already had given up on him, that was for sure, he could tell it. He didn't want to be the next to let him down. Not when there was hope. And Hannibal had the impression, that their little tour could give Will some new hope. He desperately could need it, there certainly was an emotional struggle coming up for him, since Hannibal had also learned some things from this trip so far. For example he'd figured out some new approaches to probably make it easier for both of them to dig into Will's childhood trauma. But he'd talk about that to Will in their next session, not today. Today was about building trust, giving Will hope. So far it seemed to work out.

"Can I go for a walk with them?", Will asked the woman, but his look was rather directed at the doctor.

"Yes, but no longer than an hour, that are the rules", she answered.

"Of course, but I'll have to accompany you", the psychiatrist pointed out and Will rolled his eyes a little. Obviously. But he didn't care too much about the doctor coming along for a walk, as long as he could only spent some more time with his dogs. Also, without Dr. Lecter, he wouldn't even be here, so he should be able to bear having him by his side while taking the dogs out.

* * *

They were taking their walk in a park close to the shelter, Will had removed the leashes so that Winston and Wesley could run freely, because they hated to be on leashes. Besides they obeyed to his every word, so he didn't have to fear that they'd run away or attack random people.

"Do you like dogs as well, doctor?", Will dared to ask Dr. Lecter after some quiet minutes, while they were strolling along side by side. He'd noticed the doctor bending down to pat Winston earlier.

"Yes, indeed. When I was living with my uncle, who owned two hounds, I used to walk and play with them", Hannibal answered, involuntarily smiling at this memory. He actually had quite missed the dogs, when his uncle sent him to France to attend the boarding school.

"And now? Do you own any animals?", Will went on, but when realising what he just said, turning somehow abashed. He kept his gaze directed to some point far ahead of them, but couldn't stop from flushing lightly and feel awkward. Now he was talking about pets to his psychiatrist...

Obviously his reaction didn't go unnoticed by Hannibal, who against Will's assumption, wasn't annoyed or simply amused about this topic. Rather he was glad to have Will at a point, where he was willing to actually engage in a conversation and of course had to encourage him to go on with it. Also he didn't mind talking about seemingly trivial things with Will, if they could talk about pets and other random subjects, then maybe it would soon be easier for his patient to talk as well about the things that really troubled him.

"You may ask me whatever you want, without having to feel conflicted or ashamed, Will. It's up to me then, whether I can and will give you an answer, or not. But I don't want you to feel bad about asking me anything, alright?", he offered him and Will lifted his view, that had wandered to the ground, to look at him shortly. Hannibal catched a glimpse of astonishment, before the other averted his gaze again.

"I feel like I have to constantly thank you...", Will replied then and Hannibal didn't quite comprehend at first.

"What do you mean?" It took Will some moments to answer his question, but Hannibal let him take this time, as always.

"You...want to really listen to me, unless some others... You make it acceptable for me to lead a conversation, because you know how much I dislike them...you found a way for me to leave the hospital and you brought me here so I can see my dogs...", Will listed, sounding a bit astonished, but there was also gratefulness.

"You saved my life...", he added quietly, gaze directed to the rocky ground again, but then looking up to meet Hannibal's eyes shortly.

"Thank you, for all that." There was a sincere smile on his lips, this time clearly for Hannibal, not as before directed to the dogs and the doctor could only mirror it, nodding lightly in understandment.

"You're welcome. I'm just doing my job", he answered, sounding modest as always. But actually Hannibal was aware of the fact, that he did a bit more than his job when it came to Will. That also didn't go unquestioned.

"So, you're casually taking patiens out on a trip if they're missing their pets?", Will had already asked skeptically, before Hannibal could go on with his thoughts.

"No, I don't", he admitted. "But I do everything possible to make every session comfortable for each patient. Some will be more willed or inspired to talk to me, if I let their favourite music play on the CD-player, or if I can offer them a cup of their prefered tea."

He knew very well that at first it was always tough for a patient to confide in their psychiatrist, and talking about their mental conditions could be frightening, so at least he wanted to be able to provide a nice and relaxing environment.

"Why do you do this for me?", Will asked on and made Hannibal look for the proper choice of words for a moment.

The doctor had already wondered about this himself, because obviously he had noticed that maybe it wasn't always right to talk to Will like he did in some situations. To let him ask too many personal questions. He didn't want to lead him on a friendly way, he couldn't. Obviously he was aware, that Will was lonely and could need a friend, but Hannibal couldn't be that friend. He was his psychiatrist and if he really wanted to help him, he couldn't become his friend.

"I guess I feel responsible for you in some way, because I was there to stop you from jumping", he finally answered after a while. This was the conclusion he had found in the end. That he somehow felt especially fond of this patient, because he literally had saved his life by his practical actions and not just, as usually, by listening to him and prescribing medications.

"I understand", Will said. "So...you didn't answer my question concerning pets", he added with a slight grin, because of this change of topics. He really was interested to know, now that he had found out why Dr. Lecter was being so good to him. And he grew more and more into not only accepting this psychiatrist, in contrast to the others he already had to see, but he also thought that he could even like him, given some more time. He seemed to be an honest and modest person, who truely cared for his well-being and wanted to help him.

The doctor laughed briefly about Will changing back to the pet topic, then giving his answer.

"I don't have any pets, no. It's a pity, because I really like dogs. But as I work a lot, it's just not possible. At least not without the dog feeling neglected in the end and I wouldn't want that."

Will liked that answer, because he didn't understand these people at all, who'd get a dog and keep it locked up in their flat the whole day while they weren't even at home.

"Can we come back for the dogs? I mean...would it be okay for you to bring me back here some time, while I still have to stay at the hospital?", he wanted to know then, as they turned around to bring the dogs back to the shelter. He already disliked the thought of having to say goodbye to them and at least wanted to know if there was any possibility to come back soon.

"It depends on the progress you make", Dr. Lecter answered shortly.

"You're offering me a treat", Will commented, what he already had guessed.

"Yes. But I figure this is something we can start working with, don't you think so?"

"I guess so."

* * *

On the way back to the hospital, Will had grown more and more quiet. He wanted to see Winston and Wesley again as soon as possible, because he already missed them. At best, he didn't want to go back to the psychiatric station, but home, but he knew very well, that it wasn't possible for him. Yet.

This whole trip had made some things clear to him. Maybe he wasn't that lost yet. Maybe he finally found someone who believed his whole story. Maybe Dr. Lecter could actually help him, make him feel better, make him healthy again. And then he'd be able to get his dogs and live in his flat. He could go fishing and drawing. He could really take the doctor's suggestion and become a photographer. Or something else. He could be anything. If he only wasn't ill anymore.

"Will?", he heard the doctor's voice cutting through his thoughts and teared himself back to the here and now.

"What?", he asked a little bewildered at first, noticing that it had grown dark outside and the car was standing in a parking lot.

"We're at the hospital", the doctor informed him.

Then Will got off the car, taking his backpack and Dr. Lecter walked him inside, making sure he made it to his room. Obviously Will hadn't intended to just run away, so he could as well have went inside the hospital on his own, but rather than being annoyed by the doctor, he actually apprecciated his company by now.

"Thanks again", Will meant as they were walking down the isle on the third floor where his room was.

"You're welcome", Hannibal repeated, as they were standing in front of the door, giving Will a small smile and observing another little change in his patient.

Will didn't only manage to keep a conversation going without feeling too uncomfortable, at least Hannibal guessed so from his behaviour, but also did Will at least try to make some eye contact every now and then. Also now he lifted his gaze, looking at the doctor for a moment, replying his smile and Hannibal hoped that Will would see this progress, even if it was just the tiniest step on the long road of recovery.

"I see you Monday morning", Hannibal then cut through the silence, that had turned a little awkward, while he was eyeing up Will, who had averted his gaze again. He only got a nod as reply.

"Good evening, Will", he said with a polite smile.

"Good evening, Dr. Lecter", Will replied, before finally retrieving to his room.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Hey! **_

_**Thanks so much for all the attention this story is getting recently, I'm overwhelmed by so many readers. Thank you all for your continued interest :) I have so many great ideas recently, I can barely keep up the writing, in my mind I'm already 3 chapters ahead and planning more :D**_

_**Also sorry for just updating now, but I barely could use my brother's laptop this week...anyway, I soon should get mine back, so then I could write faster ;) But I'm also working on the next project already...just saying that much so far: it's gotta do something with Hannibal being a vampire...**_

_**as for now I hope you enjoy this chapter here :)**_

* * *

On the weekends there weren't therapy sessions. Dr. Lecter and Dr. du Maurier who were the responsible psychiatrists, for currently eleven patients on this station needing inpatient treatment, were only on call in case of emergencies. However, there were group activities on Saturdays and Sundays also for people on other stations, so one could choose between yoga, gymnastics, a painting therapy, swimming and some other things that usually didn't really interest Will.

Anyway, he didn't even feel too miserable, when the nurse brought him his new medication and so he affirmed her question on whether he'd take his breakfast with the others. It really seemed like taking him to see his dogs was the best idea Dr. Lecter could have had, because Will had realised how much he missed them and how badly he wanted for them to get out of the shelter and back home with him.

He knew that it wouldn't be easy and that it would probably take him some while until he would be allowed to leave inpatient therapy, considering that he had repeatedly tried to take his own life, but at the moment, this possibility seemed as far out of his mind as it could be. There was another thought, though: he wanted to see Winston and Wesley again, as soon as the doctor would allow him to and Will knew that he had to get out of his "comfort" zone for that, that actually wasn't even comfortable, but rather a protective barrier he had built in order to not turning completely crazy.

So, Will took his medicine, without complaining and then made his way into the bathroom. After a shower, finally dressed in one of his own sweatpants and a plain t-shirt, he gave himself a little prep talk that he could manage the breakfast situation and then left his room.

* * *

"Morning, Will!", he was greeted by Abigail and Beth as he entered the dining room and he managed to return it without sounding hostile. The two women just were loading food on their plates, while Franklyn poured himself a tea. Obviously camomile.

"Oh, hey there", he said, as he noticed Will. "I don't think I've seen you around here before, have I?"

"You were too busy with your tea, I guess", Beth commented, with a grin and patted Franklyn's shoulder, before Will could even open his mouth. As Franklyn then engaged in a complaint that he didn't just drink any tea, Abigail asked Will whether he'd like to sit with her and because he didn't want to get involved in any tiff, he agreed.

"Haven't felt so great yesterday?", Abigail wanted to know, when they'd sat down, starting their breakfast. Today she didn't have a bandage on her wrist anymore, just a patch.

"It wasn't too bad then...at least not after noon", Will meant, taking a sip of his coffee. "How're you doing?", he asked then, because he really didn't want to talk about his feelings with Abigail, even if she seemed to care about his well-being.

"I'm okay, I guess...my grandparents will come to visit tomorrow. They're staying in town over the holidays, so they'll be here for Christmas as well", the girl explained, then eating some fruit yoghurt.

"What about your parents?", Will asked, curiously, because it seemed a little odd to him that only her grandparents would come to visit. But then he noticed Abigail's expression change and knew he maybe shouldn't have asked that question. He also wouldn't like to talk about his parents, so they had that thing in common.

"I'm...here because of them", is all that Abigail offered to answer, before taking a sip of her cocoa and switching topics. "So...do you think you would like any of the group activities here?"

"I won't do yoga, that's for sure", Will replied with a slight smile, that Abigail returned.

"What did you do last afternoon?", she asked then. "You seem in a way better mood now."

"I visited my dogs", Will answered. "I put them in a shelter...Dr. Lecter let me see them."

"Well, seems like this was a good thing to do! I got a dog as well...she's staying with my grandparents", Abigail told him.

"Really, that's nice! You gotta miss her, though, don't you? At least I do miss Winston and Wesley."

"Yeah, I do...but I can show you a picture of Dana later, if you like", she said and Will got a little upset at himself, because he didn't think of bringing a pic of his dogs from his flat the other day.

"For how long have you been here?", Will wanted to know then.

"About a month...they said last week that I could be out real soon, but then I...well...I somehow didn't make it through", Abigail said, looking down at her wrist with the band aid on.

"I'm sorry", Will muttered.

"No, don't be. I should be able to fight it, before they let me go. But what happened isn't so easy to process..."

"Yeah, I know...", he said in understanding.

"Do you like painting?", Abigail asked then, in an attempt to lighten the mood again.

"I like drawing."

"That's okay as well. So, you think you can join me later for that group?"

* * *

There were a couple of patients who had gathered in one of the habitable rooms for some painting and drawing. Some even did some handicraft work with scissors and sugar paper. Except for Abigail, Will didn't know any of them. There were two teens who'd come there from pediatrics, they played some game and giggled. Will wondered why they weren't with the other kids, but maybe they just got bored and wanted to go exploring.

Then there were three middle aged women, gossiping more than doing anything else. They had some water colours and paint brushes lying on the table in front of them. Besides there was also a mother with a little boy who didn't seem older than four years. The boy was painting a sun and some trees on a meadow, while the woman was talking to a nurse, who also was present.

"You come here a lot?", Will asked, as they chose a place near the windows and took some papers and pencils. Light flooded into the bright painted room and there were some plants and flowers standing around in the attempt to create a comfortable atmosphere.

"When I get bored of watching TV and Marissa doesn't have time to talk, then I come here, yeah", Abigail meant, getting herself a set of water colours.

"Who's Marissa?"

"My best friend. She's in Chicago for college", she explained, starting to put blue colour on the sheet of paper. "I wish she could come around...maybe for the holidays, when she comes home to visit her family..."

"Hmm...", Will only murmured while trying to do a quick pencil sketch of Winston that he could work on then.

"You never have visitors here, have you?", Abigail asked after a while. She was painting something that looked like a lake.

"I don't have anyone who'd wanna visit me", Will replied, focused on the sketch.

"There gotta be someone?", the girl said, looking up from her paper, but Will didn't return her gaze.

"My dogs are my only family. They're in a shelter...my former boss and neighbour, who was like a friend and uncle...he's got a sick wife and they're in California. So no...there's no one", Will explained, view still directed on the pencil outline of Winston's head.

"What about your mom and dad?"

"I guess they're also the reason why I'm here", he returned her own words.

He didn't feel all that well anymore all of a sudden. Will really wasn't ready to talk about his parents yet. Not to Abigail. Maybe he could tell Dr. Lecter in some days, but he really couldn't bare to think of them just right now.

So he went on with his outlines, not particularly eager to catch up on talking again. Also Abigail must have noticed his behaviour, because she didn't return anything for a while and just continued her painting. It wasn't a lake, but a beach scenery.

Will tried to focus on his drawing, but he couldn't concentrate all that well anymore. Abigail really shouldn't have asked about his parents. He fucked up some lines a couple of times, before he almost threw the pencil away. He couldn't stand to be in this room any longer. There were suddenly too many people around and the little boy had started crying because of some unknow reason. Will couldn't bare it.

"I need to get out of here", he just said to the girl, before getting up and leaving for his room.

* * *

It wasn't that long after he'd gotten back to his room, that there was a knock at his door. He didn't bother to answer it and just kept staring out of the window. It had snowed some more recently and he liked it. It looked quiet and peaceful and fluffy. Only it didn't stay that quiet anymore, as the door was opened and one of the nurses came in, holding a small notebook.

"Hello, Mr. Graham. I'm just here to let you know that Dr. Lecter informed me about some homework you're required to do until your next session with him", she said and handed him the notebook.

"Homework?", he asked a little surprised and wondered why the doctor hadn't mentioned anything about it the day before. Maybe he hadn't known himself and had thought about a new way of therapy, or something.

"Yes. He said you're supposed to write down a couple of things that make you feel bad, or that you're afraid of. And then you should think about some things that you like. Things you like doing or things you would like to do, but haven't had the chance to do yet", she explained, while Will turned the notebook in his hands. All of its pages were still empty.

"How many?", Will wanted to know and tried to figure out what the doctor aimed to achieve by giving him this homework.

"A couple, he said", the nurse meant and shrugged.

"Okay...I'll think about it", he answered, before the nurse told him to mind that lunch time started in half an hour and left.

Will barely had time to think about anything he could write into the notebook, anything the psychiatrist would want to discuss with him during his next session, when there was another knock at the door. This time, Abigail stepped inside.

"I just wanted to give that back to you", she said, holding out the sketch of Winston, he'd drawn earlier. "You forgot it."

"Thanks", Will just nodded, not caring to take it, so she laid it down on the table in front of him. His thoughts still were directed on the notebook he'd just gotten and the task he was required to do.

"Guess we both have the same topic that shall not be named, right?", Abigail meant, trying to sound jokingly.

Will didn't make any attempt to reply to her. Everything had went pretty well so far this day, until it suddenly didn't, as soon as Abigail mentioned his parents. He was a little disappointed in himself, because he wasn't able to handle it and just wanted to be left alone with his thoughts and the notebook. He didn't want to be rude or something, he just really needed his peace for a while. Although he probably wouldn't get much of that, when he beat himself up with his own thoughts and tried to figure out what to write down for Dr. Lecter to discuss with.

"We see each other at dinner, okay?", he brought himself to say, hoping Abigail would understand.

"Don't you come to lunch?", she wanted to know.

"Not hungry", Will just said, averting his gaze. He really wasn't hungry at all right now.

"Okay, see you later then", the girl answered, about to leave. But as she reached the door, Will opened his mouth once more:

"Can you show me a picture of Dana then?"

He smiled a little, because he didn't want Abigail to leave with the thought that he didn't want her around. He tried to, but he just couldn't handle being around people for too long. He hoped she'd understand. And what he hoped for even more was, that he could handle situations like these better. Maybe in some weeks he would.

"Of course!", she replied, returning his light smile, before leaving him alone again.

Will's eyes wandered to his drawing, looking over the sketched lines and wishing he had a pencil here, so he could continue his work, but the nurse only had given him a pen. He didn't want to ruin his pencil outlines with a pen. But when he could finish it, he would at least have a picture of Winston with him. Then he could pin it to the wall next to his bed.

But he really wasn't in a mood to leave the room, only to get a pencil now. So he just stayed were he was, sitting in one of the chairs next to the window, staring out into the whiteness of the snow and trying to gather some thoughts he could write down into his notebook.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Hey guys,**_

_**yeah, I'm already back with the next chapter! Finally I can write on my own laptop again (with the new amazing Word 2013 we got from uni, it rocks!), after five weeks xDD **_

_**How did you like the new episode? I am really angry about Bev's death, I mean we don't know yet whether she's actually dead, but it's rather obvious, I mean Hannibal wouldn't let her escape...but why was she as reckless and stupid as to snoop around in his house WHEN SHE KNEW THAT HE IS A CANNIBAL?! This just makes me more angry than the fact that she's gone...I really liked her character, but she acted really careless... :/ **_

_**well, anyway, thank you all so much for reading! Got more than a thousand visitors in 23 days, it's incredible, really! :) Now I hope you enjoy the chapter, even if it's gonna be tough for Will...**_

* * *

Monday morning Will woke up feeling like he hadn't got any sleep at all. His t-shirt was soaked in sweat and his back hurt from all the tossing and turning around. Once again he'd been haunted by a nightmare from his past, that included his father pushing his mother down the few steps on their porch; she stumbled and hit her head so badly, that she had to get a couple of stiches.

Will still could see all the blood from her laceration, everywhere on the ground, on her clothes, and felt somehow sick in the stomach. He had to run to the sink and spit bile.

Shaking, he steadied his grip on the lavatory, before splashing some cool water into his face, trying to get rid of the images in his head. But actually he knew, that the only thing he could do, was just pushing them back in some dark corner of his mind, because they seemed to be burned into his memory forever.

Even after he'd taken a shower and put on fresh clothes, not all of his thoughts were back in the here and now, so when he stepped out of the bathroom to find a nurse waiting with his medicine, he was a little startled and confused at first.

"Good morning, Mr. Graham. Are you all right?" the nurse wanted to know, when he was staring at her blankly for a moment.

"Had a bad dream", he mumbled, walking over and took the pills she was holding out to him.

"Again? You should let the doctor know about it", she advised and watched him swallow the medication.

"Guess so", Will meant, gulping down some water and didn't sound very interested.

"You will attend your session at 9:30, right?" the nurse said, not as much as to remind him, but more to make clear to him, that it was important to go.

"Yeah...but can you bring me some breakfast, please? I don't feel like going to join the others", he answered, and when the nurse already made an attempt to disagree, he chipped in: "I've attended every meal yesterday...I really don't feel too well right now. Please." Finally, she agreed to bring him some toast and coffee.

It was true, Will actually had been extraordinarily sociable the day before. Not only did he spend the morning with Abigail, watching some TV shows and telling about their dogs, but during dinner he was also chatting to Tom for a bit. So he'd found out, that Tom wasn't in fact a junkie, as he'd assumed first. He was a stock broker, completely burned out, to the point where he wouldn't speak a single word for weeks and his whole body would shake uncontrollably due to either stress or panic attacks.

Apart from that, Will had invested some time into thinking about the homework Dr. Lecter had given him and he guessed, that this, combined with the unusually much social interaction he'd engaged in, had led to his restless night.

And now, he simply felt drained of all energy, but he hoped that the effect of the medication would at least kick in a bit. It would of course take some time to find out the right dose rate for him, but he had the feeling, that he hadn't been all that worn out and listless, since he took these pills. Otherwise he'd rarely have spent a whole day among other people, without feeling too annoyed or getting the urge to rip their heads off.

* * *

An hour later, he sat in one of the chairs lined up outside of Dr. Lecter's office somewhere down the floor, waiting to get called in. He fidgeted around with the small notebook he was holding, but several minutes later, the door was already opened and the doctor said goodbye to his prior patient, before turning to Will.

"Good morning, Will. Come in, please", Dr. Lecter said, as always with this slight smile on his face.

"Morning", Will replied, getting up and stepping inside the doctor's office.

It was like stepping into another world, because it didn't look like a typical doctor's office and didn't fit in with the rest of the hospital at all. Also it didn't seem like a typical psychiatrist's office. Sure, there was the obligatory couch, to lay down in case it was required to relax a little more and there were two very comfortable looking leather chairs. But the rest of the room rather looked like a crossover between a library and what could as well be Dr. Lecter's private office at home.

It was a rather large room, holding book shelves with what looked like hundreds of books all spread out over two walls; on the side opposite of the door there were two big windows from where you could see the small park at the back of the hospital that laid cloaked in deep snow. A heavy hardwood desk was set free in the room and where the walls weren't hidden behind books, they were painted in a claret red and decorated with classic paintings. There was a dresser with a CD-player set on it as well.

"Please, take a seat", Dr. Lecter offered, after closing the door and pointed to the leather chairs.

As they both had sat down, the doctor gave Will another moment to take in his surroundings, before starting with his questions.

"How are you feeling today?"

"I didn't sleep too well", Will answered honestly, his gaze directed at his knees.

"Do you want to talk about it?, the doctor asked, without sounding pushy.

"I had another nightmare…'bout when I was a kid", he replied, not ready yet to face all the memories again.

"Are you often still haunted by these memories?" Dr. Lecter wanted to know and Will was glad for a moment, that he didn't dig deeper for the content of his dream.

"Occasionally."

"Is there anything triggering them?"

"I guess…this time it was because I was thinking back of it…when I was writing down the stuff you wanted me to", Will explained, rubbing his brow, because he had a light headache from sleep deprivation.

"May I take a look at it?" the doctor asked and Will handed him the notebook wordlessly.

Hannibal took the book and let his gaze wander over the couple of words his patient had noted down:

_I'm afraid of some of the things I remember from my childhood. My father. Not being able to control my anger. _

Before he went on to the other things, those that Will liked and was looking forward to do, he decided that first they had to work on what he feared. Therefore, however, Will would have to get a little more specific. Especially about what seemed to be the key part in all of it, his father.

"Why do you fear your father, Will?" the psychiatrist asked him and Will had to take a deep breath, to steady his thoughts.

"He was nothing like a father should be", he started, chewing on the inside of his cheek, while still not lifting his gaze. Thinking about his father always made him so incredibly angry, that sometimes he barely could contain himself.

"How was he like instead?" the doctor tried to encourage him to go on.

"He was a drunkard. Lost his job as a mechanic because of it…ever since then he was even more beyond all bearing. He was home all day, watching TV, insulting my mother. Screaming at her…at me. Freaking out at the tiniest remark", Will told, feeling anger rise inside of him and pressed his jaws hard together.

"Did he ever lay a hand on you or your mother?"

Will snorted and let out a bitter laugh. Then he finally looked up at the doctor, his voice harsh, when answering: "All the time."

Hannibal could guess that Will had suffered a lot, and he could see that he still did from his whole behavior. It seemed to be the core of his problems, maybe the reason he didn't want to go on living anymore. He was aware, that all the things he would have to ask him were highly triggering and obviously he shouldn't ask too much of Will. Not at once and not when he didn't seem to have a good day at all. So he decided to progress step by step and to give Will the possibility to stop when he couldn't go on. As he had learned about him so far, Will anyway wouldn't answer anything if he didn't feel like it.

"How old have you been, when it all started?"

"I guess…it only got real bad, after he lost his job. Before I didn't realize, maybe I was too young, or it wasn't that bad then. But, the first time I remember him losing it completely was when I was like six years old. I'd just started going to school…", he told the psychiatrist, knowing very well, that this only just was the beginning of it all and that there was still so much to come. His stomach felt weird again, but he ignored it, running his hands over his face.

"Did no one notice at school? Your friends, or your neighbors?"

"My mother wouldn't let me go to school when I looked too bad. We had to go to the doctor's a couple of times…she told him I had a fight with older kids", Will said, this bitter tone back to his voice.

"Why did she do that?" the doctor wanted to know.

"I guess she was afraid."

"Did she tell you to stay quiet about it as well?"

"My father did…he threatened us…", he answered, now in a low voice, remembering all the things his father would say to him to make him remain silent.

"Did someone ever know or find out about what he did to you?" Dr. Lecter went on asking then, not daring to ask what Will's father had threatened to do, in order to not outrage his patient, because he sensed that he seemed close to either breaking down or freaking out.

"We lived a little outside of our village and my parents didn't have many social contacts. I never dared to bring friends home…well, I also never had many friends, to begin with", Will told, glad that he didn't have to tell more about his father. Alone thinking back of this time made him clenching his hands into fists.

"So, no one knew?"

"When I was in high school, I had a good friend…she knew. I guess she let our English teacher know. Somehow it blew off, they found out. I had to see a psychologist, my father was brought to the police station and questioned…."

"What about your mother? And what happened to your father next?"

"I guess next…everything went completely wrong", Will replied, without actually answering anything.

He averted his eyes again, not in the mood to go on here. He already had experienced so much injustice, people didn't believe him, his father managed to lie his way out of everything, his mother wasn't there anymore to support him and he was put down as mentally unstable. None of his prior psychologists had believed him. All the psychiatrists just had proved once more that his mental condition influenced his judgment. There was his word against his fathers, when it came to his mother's disappearance.

He wanted to tell Dr. Lecter. But he wasn't ready yet. He didn't quite fully trust him just yet to not just brush him off as mentally confused or too young to remember everything as all the others did.

"It is okay if you cannot go on from here yet", the doctor assured him and Will bit his lower lip.

"I need you to believe me", he just answered.

"Why wouldn't I believe you?"

"No one did", he sighed, running his hands over his face once more and feeling more than exhausted.

"Was there a reason not to believe you?", Dr. Lecter wanted to know.

"They said…I'm mentally unstable. And I was too young when things happened…so I couldn't remember properly, what happened to my mother", Will said, again with a bitter laugh. He felt misunderstood, no one ever had actually made an attempt to really believe him, because there wasn't proper evidence.

"What did happen to your mother?"

"She disappeared", Will just said, not eager to go into detail yet.

He wanted so much for Dr. Lecter to believe him. Will needed that doctor to believe him, because he was the only one so far making an honest attempt in trying to actually help him. And he didn't want to go this chance to waste again, he didn't want to be put away as crazy once more.

"Can we…continue another time?", he asked then, because he couldn't go on now.

He needed more time, he needed to be sure that he could trust in Dr. Lecter. Besides his headache had gotten worse and he barely could focus anymore. Maybe he should get some sleep before lunch…

"Aren't you feeling well?", the doctor asked, furrowing his brow somehow in concern.

"Got a headache", Will only meant, kneading his forehead a bit with one hand.

"You should have a rest for a while. Get some sleep, have lunch, get distracted for a bit. Then tomorrow we can pick up where we left of", Dr. Lecter said, sounding encouraging.

"Okay", Will mumbled while they both got up.

"I see you tomorrow at 2pm", he reminded Will, who just nodded.

"And Will?", Dr. Lecter meant, as they just reached the door. "You may not see it as such just right now, but this was some progress today!" He gave him a last light smile of encouragement, before he released him for that day.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Hey there, guys! **_

_**thank you so so much for all the reviews, follows and stuff, I am really so happy and flattered about every single one! I'm grateful for each and every person who's reading this story and that's my biggest motivation...so thank you all so much! :) **_

_**That chap took me longer than planned, because I chaged it like two times, since I always seemed to get better ideas, but well...therefore it's a little bit longer this time :D**_

_**I was asked to give you guys some music that you can listen to while reading. First I started writing this chapter to "Dark in my imagination" by of Verona (there's also a great Hannigram vid to this song, just look it up on Youtube!), but then I found an even better fitting song and realized, that basically I had used one of its lines without even noticing it, because I didn't know that song before and couldn't even handle all my feels anymore :D...it's "Safe and Sound" by Me vs Gravity (look up Hannigram Safe&Sound on YT, that vid is also real amazing and inspiring)...but now here's the chap, enjoy reading :)**_

* * *

When Will was sitting in Dr. Lecter's office the next afternoon, he didn't feel any better than the day before. Maybe even worse, because he barely had gotten any sleep at night. Having started to talk about his troubled childhood with the psychiatrist had deeply stirred him up and left his mind restless.

Obviously his goal was to finally get better. To get help from the doctor, because he seemed like he actually could provide it. But therefore, Will had to open himself up, he needed to be able to confide in him. And he really wanted to, he just wasn't sure yet, if he was already able to do so. But at least he should try. So he had trudged himself to the doctor's office even despite he didn't feel particularly well at all.

"Are you feeling better today?", Dr. Lecter wanted to know as they'd taken their places in the black leathered chairs across from each other.

"No…not really", Will meant, rubbing his eyes, because also his headache had returned. Along with some cruel images that he rather didn't want to see anymore…

"Do you want to go through with this session today, or do you rather want to leave and get some rest?", the psychiatrist suggested, seeing that his patient didn't look too well that day.

"No. I…I need to do this", Will assured him, trying to hold his voice steady, while pushing back the memory of his father beating him across the back with a belt, tearing up his skin and leaving nothing but stinging pain…

He'd long wrestled with himself whether to go to his therapy session or not, after he could barely drag himself out of bed that morning. Darkness had befogged his mind again and also seemed to draw off his physical energy. But his will had conquered the blackness of his thoughts at least half ways for now and he was ready to try. Maybe he could make it and put up a fight this time.

"I want to do this", he repeated and finally the doctor nodded his agreement and understanding.

"You are taking your medications?", it was more a statement than a question.

"Yeah, I do", Will said, getting a better grip on the here and now, leaving the dark pictures behind for a while.

"Did you experience any adverse effects like…", the doctor started.

"It's not the medication", Will interrupted him. "I just…couldn't sleep. I got too much on my mind."

"Though…do you feel any improvements through the medicine already?"

"I don't feel so useless and listless anymore…at least not all of the time", he said, which was true. If he just could get some more proper sleep instead of restless nights, he probably would notice even more of the effect the medicine had.

"Good. We'll keep on trying this for now", the doctor commented, making notes on a pad. "What do you have on your mind that keeps you from sleeping?", he went on asking then.

"What do you think?", Will replied rhetorically before he could stop himself. He never would understand why doctors would ask questions like these, when they already knew what the answer would be.

"What we talked about yesterday…and I also thought about all the other things that I haven't told you yet", he explained then, running his hands over his face once more.

He felt somehow dizzy, but at least he could focus on the conversation for now without getting disrupted by memories all the time. The question was, how long he could go on with this, when talking about all of it again.

"Are you ready to share these thoughts now?"

"I don't know", Will shrugged, appearing rather helpless. He wanted to get it off his chest, he wanted nothing more than to confide in Dr. Lecter, but he was afraid of it as well.

"It's okay. We'll just try, alright?", the doctor assured him with a tiny smile and Will only nodded.

"You told me yesterday, that everything went completely wrong after your friend and teacher found out about your father being abusive, why was that so?"

Will sighed and tried to order his thoughts. Actually he didn't really know where exactly to start, because it all was connected somehow.

"I don't quite know where to begin with…", he finally said, sounding like admitting defeat and dropped his shoulders. He was so tired…

"It's alright", Dr. Lecter meant, reassuring once again. "I'm going to help you."

"You said your friend knew and told your teacher. How did she know, did you confide in her?"

"I…I brought her home once. I should never have done so…well, after that Alana figured out everything, even when my father wasn't…he wasn't that bad to me after my mother wasn't there anymore. It was like he wanted to make…he tried to make things up to me…but I don't think this ever could be possible, though…he'll never be able make things up again", Will told, not quite sure, whether the doctor could even still follow him.

"What happened to your mother, Will?"

"She disappeared. I was ten years old and she was…it was like every other day. I went to bed…I heard them arguing and screaming and…he hit her. I'd learned to fall asleep somehow, I was so used to it…I couldn't do anything…I couldn't…", Will said and not only his voice was trembling, but also his body started shaking lightly.

"I cannot do this…", he added then in a low tone, hands pressed onto his face, trying to shield a sob, as all the images crashed over him again.

_His father shouting, ranting, throwing with things. Himself punching the wall, trying not to listen to all the screaming going on downstairs, trying to fall asleep, with his head pressed under the pillow, while he could imagine his mother crying and he was too scared to get up, because his father was still there, just insulting her…_

He didn't quite manage to hold it in and a moment later, he was shaken by sobs. Will was trembling hard and his view was blurred from tears, so that he didn't even notice that the doctor had gotten up and bend down next to him, while he still fought against the dark memories, trying the get a grip on reality again.

Hannibal laid a hand on Will's shoulder, trying to calm him down and spent some comfort. Whatever it was, that he had wanted to share, he clearly wasn't ready just now. And Hannibal had no intentions to lay any pressure on him, because this could bring more harm than success.

"You don't have to talk about it now", he told his patient in a quiet tone, who still was trying to contain his shaking. His sobbing had died down again, but there were tears running over his cheeks silently and he looked as if he wasn't present with his thoughts.

"You can tell me about your mother, whenever you're ready to. Until then we'll just address some other topics", Hannibal meant, pressing Will's shoulder lightly, not quite sure, whether he actually understood what he was saying.

"Will?", he asked after a long pause, where his patient was just staring into the room with a blank expression on his face, trembling.

"No!", Will screamed in the next moment and actually startled Hannibal a bit. It was quite obvious to the doctor that his patient was somewhere else right now.

"No, don't! Don't! No, no, no, please…", he started crying more again and sounded highly desperate, in fear and pain.

"Will! Will, you're not there anymore!", Hannibal said, voice raised, but in a calm tone. "Nobody is going to hurt you. You're safe here", he assured him, going down next to him and took Will's face in his hands carefully and he actually seemed to relax a bit under the doctor's touch.

"You're safe", he repeated, running a thumb gently over Will's cheek, noticing that he had calmed down now and seemed to be able to focus on the here and now again.

"You're safe here with me, Will", the doctor's voice reached Will's ears like from far away and he suddenly realized that he wasn't in his parents' living room anymore, but in Dr. Lecter's office. The doctor himself was kneeling in front of him, a hand still cupped Will's cheek, patting it lightly.

"Will?", the doctor asked him, when realizing that he seemed to be back and Will only nodded slightly in reply. His gaze was blurred from all the tears he'd shed and his head hurt more than ever, but he wasn't captured in his past anymore.

"You'll be alright, no one can hurt you here", Hannibal assured him once more, squeezing his shoulder to comfort him and make it clear to him that he didn't need to be afraid anymore.

"Here, take this", he meant then, handing Will a handkerchief while getting up to pour him a cup of tea.

Will's hands were still trembling, as he wiped his tears away, his head was dizzy and he had the feeling that he was close to fainting. He really didn't want to remember any of those memories that had just broken down over him, but he did over and over again and he didn't think that he'd ever get rid of them…

"I…I don't feel well at all", he mumbled, when Dr. Lecter returned with a steaming cup of tea, to which he had added some calmative.

"Let me see…", the doctor said, taking his pulse, then feeling his head. "You could need some fresh air, because you look really pale. You just had a flashback that caused you a panic attack, I figure…"

Will only nodded, because he had the impression that as soon as he'd open his mouth he'd have to throw up. It was really rare that he had such a strong and deep flashback when he was awake. Usually he experienced it through nightmares, but this was something entirely else. Now he was constantly triggered by therapy, he was always confronted with it and he couldn't just switch his thoughts off.

"I really have to insist to accompany you outside for a while", Hannibal meant then, because Will looked as if he could just faint each moment. A bit fresh air and a short walk could help here. Also to get his head clear.

* * *

After they'd stopped at Will's room to get his jacket, they were slowly making their way outside in the snowy park at the backside of the hospital. It was a grey-ish and cool afternoon, so no one else was around.

The doctor had insisted that Will took a cane, because he appeared pretty weak on his legs. Actually he really didn't like the idea, he wasn't old or fragile, but when they were making their way on the partly icy path, Will was glad he had something to lean onto.

"I wanna tell you…I want to. I'm just…so afraid", Will managed to say after a while. His voice was raspy, but his head had cleared a bit, at least from the ugly images of his past. Now it only still was aching and hammering, but he could bear that.

"It is alright, Will. You don't have to do everything at once", the doctor meant, as always so understanding and once more Will was glad about that fact.

"What are you afraid of?", he went on asking then, as they were walking around the small froze up pond in the middle of the park.

"Re-living all the memories again…And of your reaction to… to what I got to say about my mother. I don't want you to…also turn on me…I want you to believe me. I need you…", Will meant and his voice was trembling again.

Will looked and sounded still so completely desperate and even if Hannibal had experienced this a lot in patients, this breakdown touched him more than it possibly should. He knew that he always needed and should stay professional, but maybe in Will's case, he'd lost his professionalism even before he had to admit to himself, that he cared for him more than he should. Probably he had already lost it at the point, when he saved Will's life on the bridge that night and decided to look after his regeneration and well-being.

Hannibal looked at Will's pale features, blue eyes rimmed red now from all the crying and he could barely hold himself onto his legs; maybe they should turn around soon. But at least the fresh air seemed to help, even if Will still looked miserable and probably felt even more so.

"Look at me, Will", he said lightly, stopping in his track and squeezed his arm gently, to make him look up at him again, because Will had averted his view to the ground as he did so often. He waited for his patient to lift his gaze and look him in the eyes.

"I'm here to help you", he meant. "I'm not going to abandon you. No matter what it is that you will reveal to me, you can trust in me. I'm here for you", Hannibal added, struggling to not sound too emotional.

This case clearly affected him way too much and he put it down to the fact that he stopped Will from jumping that night. But he was more than glad that he could, that he was there in time. If saving Will's life came at the cost of being too involved with him and his story, then be it.

"Thank you", Will mumbled, looking away quickly, but the doctor already had seen the tears glistening in his eyes. "I'm gonna try telling you over the next days"

"That's all I wanted to hear for now", the doctor replied, smiling a little. It didn't appear like it at first, but Will seemed to be a fighter, he wouldn't give up too easily. So also Hannibal shouldn't just give up on him, he wouldn't.

"Now, we should get back inside, what do you think? It's freezing", he added, turning back and waited for Will to follow him.

They had almost reached the back entrance again, as Will slipped on a frosted spot on the way, not able to hold his balance, even despite the cane. He just still was too weak on his legs. But he didn't fall down, though, because the doctor reacted quickly enough and reached out to get a hold on him, before Will could get hurt.

"Look out!", Hannibal called out, although he already had caught him and held him close. The cane had skid to the ground, but Will grabbed the doctor's coat.

"I've got you", Hannibal said then with an affectionate smile that Will managed to return.

There lay so much more in this simple statement, it didn't only indicate that the doctor had stopped him from falling down, but he had assured Will once more, that he could indeed trust in him. And as the doctor was holding him, giving him steadiness on his weakened limbs, Will felt safe and sound, probably for the first time since he could remember.


	13. Chapter 13

_**Hey guys!**_

_**thanks as always for your reviews and for reading :) I had so so many great ideas today how this story will continue and I'm so excited to write it! So I can say, that it's at least gonna be another 10 chapters or more, that this ride will continue :) **_

_**how did you like the latest episode? I am still in shock about the way he displayed Bev...yet I really loved the swimming pool scene, because it was really mindblowing to see Hannibal in the role of the victim for once, that was increibly interesting...**_

_**well, but now let's continue with the new chapter, I hope you like it! **_

_**(Oh and I dunno if I've to add this trigger warning, but there is mention of attempt rape) **_

* * *

"So, you decided to give it another try today", Dr. Lecter declared and gave Will a commendatory smile.

After what happened the other day, Hannibal had told his patient, that he'd understand if he would like to skip therapy sessions for a day or two, to get clearer in the head again, before trying to talk about all the things that strained him once more. Seeing him sitting here, right on the day after a heavy panic attack, just proved the doctor again that they were on the right way. He had to trust Will to eventually tell him the whole story in order to provide the help he needed; In order to make Will trust him enough to finally open up completely. It wouldn't bring them anywhere if he made him attend the sessions, if he couldn't or didn't even want to take part in them. So it was actually a really good sign that Will had come here today on his own.

"I cannot really avoid it, you know", Will replied. "Either I'm sitting alone in my room, being haunted by all the memories, or I'm here with you and…try talking about it."

He shrugged, because it really didn't matter that much. If he would have skipped this session, he probably would have done nothing, but sitting around, staring out of the window, shadows hunting him inside his mind. Just as well, he could sit around here, trying to get help in fighting the demons.

"Alright, so let's start where we left of the last time?", the doctor asked and Will just nodded.

"Do you want to tell me more about your friend, Alana? You said you wished you didn't take her home with you. Why?"

"It's not that I didn't…actually I wanted her to know what happened, you know? I…couldn't bring myself to tell her what's wrong with my family. So I thought…if I show her, maybe she'd figure out herself", Will told, sighing as he thought back of that time.

_It was their last year at High School, yet Will still hadn't shown his best and only friend where he lived. He told Alana everything, well except for the things that really mattered and that's why she would mock him a little from time to time. But she wouldn't be his best friend if she didn't respect, that he only would tell her as much as he could bear. One day in early summer, however, with the final exams getting closer and closer, he'd finally invited Alana over for studying together. That was when she learned how Will had lived all those years, she'd even met his father, who surprisingly tried to compose himself somehow, when otherwise he'd yell at Will and insult him if he was too drunk. And even when by then he barely hit Will anymore, Alana was clever enough to draw her conclusions..._

"Why did you want her to know? So that she could help you?"

"No, not really. As I said, my father didn't treat me that badly anymore…but I…I just wanted to…I wanted her to know me. I wanted to give her a chance to get to know to me better, because I liked her. But sometimes she didn't quite trust me, because she thought that I'm behaving weird…after she figured out what's going on, I told her everything. She was my best friend…", he said, voice trembling once more and he felt how his eyes started to burn.

"What happened to her then, Will?", Hannibal asked, when his patient stopped in his narration.

From the way Will's behavior had changed with the last few sentences he spoke, the doctor could already figure, that it didn't end quite well. But maybe he was wrong, even if his senses rarely betrayed him.

"My father should never have known about her. I've never brought any friends…he was aware that I liked her and…well at first everything was okay. But after everyone found out, after he was questioned by the police, he figured that it could only have been Alana, who revealed everything…", Will answered without actually giving away anything concrete just yet. It was tough for him to talk about it again.

He hadn't thought about what had happened to Alana after his father had been released by the police and everything had calmed down a bit again. It was an ugly story that he didn't want to remember. It was cruel and disgusting and it hurt him almost as much as his mother's sudden disappearance. But especially it hurt Alana and made her turn away from him forever.

"He lurked after her one day. I wasn't around…", Will started, his voice bitter, but traced with oppressed tears. He wouldn't start crying again, he wouldn't break down this time...

"What did he do to her?", the doctor asked to help him go on.

"He molested her", he said in a low voice, feeling sick in the guts and so remorseful, although he could have done nothing to prevent it; well, except for not bringing Alana home with him.

"He…he tried to rape her…", Will meant, voice barely audible, but thick with anger and no longer able to hold back his tears. "That sick bastard…", he cried out of rage, pressing a hand to his eyes an tried to contain his sobs a bit.

Hannibal gave Will a moment to gather himself, if this even was possible for him right now.

"Is it alright for me to ask some more questions, or do you rather not want to go on here?", he asked quietly after a while, where Will brushed away his tears, his face clenched in anger and frustration.

"Go on", he said after another moment or two, but getting up to walk around in the office, because he couldn't sit still anymore right now. He had told this story before, he had to, so many times. Yet it was never easy to talk about it. But he knew that he would have to let Dr. Lecter know about it all, in order to have a chance to let it go.

"How did you find out? What happened then, to your father and Alana?"

"That hound told me…he told me and I didn't believe a word, but I was so afraid for Alana…so I went to her house immediately after and…", he stopped to brush away some new tears and run his hands through his anyway ruffled hair while the images shot back into his head once more.

_Mr. Bloom didn't want him to come into their house at first, but as Alana noticed he was around, she said he could come in. Then they'd sat in the living room, Alana's parents discussing about calling the police, whilst Will just sat there awkwardly on the couch next to his best friend, trying to calm Alana down, but obviously there was no way to do so, because he was beyond outraged as well. In the end they'd all gone to the police station..._

"She said it's true, she'd told her parents…they knew what my father was suspected to have done to me as well. So they…pressed charges against him. Well and then everything came out for real. There was a trial…my father went to jail. Alana couldn't bear to be around me anymore and…it was that time after we graduated from High School, anyway…so she went away for college. I've never heard from her again…", he closed, feeling exhausted and leaning against the doctor's desk, closing his eyes for a moment.

It's been too often that he'd told this story, he didn't want to tell it again. He couldn't stand it anymore. Yet he was glad he'd made it through without completely breaking down again.

"How long did your father have to go to jail for? What was he accused of?", Dr. Lecter asked on.

"Two years for…attempt rape and child abuse. That's ridiculous", Will snorted, pushing himself of the desk, walking over to the big windows and just staring out for a while.

He never thought that his father actually had gotten what he deserved. There was so much more that he could have been accused of, yet they didn't. Because there wasn't any evidence, apart from the word of a boy, who'd been ten years old when happened, what had just been ignored by everyone else but Will. His mother didn't just run away and left him alone. She'd never have done that. And then his father and his lawyer had tried everything to bail him out, they'd come along with the craziest story about his mother, accusing her of starting the abuse...

"I'm truly sorry for what he did to your friend", he heard Dr. Lecter say, disrupting his thoughts and he realized, that the doctor had stepped next to him in front of the window.

"Do you feel responsible for it?", he added after a moment.

Will turned his head to look at the doctor and again tears were burning in his eyes. He only nodded, because he felt his voice would break if he answered. He had blamed himself a dozen times. Over and over again, until he was tired of it, because he realized, that it didn't change anything that had happened. Alana was gone and he'd never see her again.

"I thought that…he would never have known her, if I didn't bring her…", he brought out after another while that he spent staring out into the whiteness of some new fallen snow. For a moment he wondered if it would ever stop snowing that winter…

"It wasn't your fault, Will, you couldn't know what would happen", the doctor meant, only a weak attempt to encourage him.

"I think we should stop here for today", Hannibal added then, because he figured that all that Will had told him now, was enough for the moment. He didn't want to exhaust him too much, he didn't want to cause him another panic attack. He had truly suffered enough for now by re-living all those moments again while telling about them. Also he needed to think about the best way how to progress from here.

"You made a big step today, Will", he said, smiling a little and squeezed his shoulder lightly. "You were fighting all the way not to get overwhelmed by your memories again, I could see that. You made it through until this point, this is a good thing. We can work on that."

"There's…so much left to tell…and I'm still afraid of", Will mumbled turning away so that the doctor's hand slipped off his shoulder. Right now he couldn't and didn't even want to think about the other things he still didn't tell him yet.

"You have to take one step at a time. I don't want you to jump up five steps at once, just to struggle and fall down three of them again", the doctor said, but Will didn't look very convinced.

"The day after tomorrow is Christmas Day", Dr. Lecter stated and Will wondered for a moment why he pointed this out.

"We only continue therapy next Monday then, with Thursday and Friday being holidays", he meant and Will nodded.

"Yeah, okay. What about tomorrow, though?", Will wanted to know, because the 24th of December wasn't officially a holiday.

"I took the day off, because I invited some colleagues and friends over for a Christmas Eve dinner. However, I was thinking, that maybe you'd like to see your dogs. I could take time for an hour or two in the morning, if you liked", Hannibal suggested and smiled lightly, observing Will's reaction.

He'd already thought about it earlier, but wanted to wait how the session went by. And as Will really did some progress that day, it only seemed appropriate to grant him this reward, because Hannibal knew that it could only be beneficial to Will's healing process.

"You'd really take me to the shelter? Although it's your free day and you've got a dinner to prepare?", Will asked, pretty stunned but in pleasant anticipation.

"If you like me to", Hannibal meant, smiling at Will's reaction and seeing his eyes glisten, but not from tears this time.

"Of course I do!", Will agreed then, smiling as well. "I gotta thank you, really…that's so nice of you."

"You've earned it. You made progress…", the doctor replied naturally. "Besides, it's Christmas and I thought, that would lighten your mood after what happened yesterday."

In fact, Hannibal was glad that he could give Will some pleasure by such a simple thing as to take him out to see his pets. He knew from years of work here, that it wasn't always easy for the patients in hospital treatment to spend the holidays in the clinic. Also Will didn't have anyone who'd visit him, he'd said so himself. So it would be even more dull and depressing to sit around here, while others at least could see their family. Will said his dogs were his family and since they couldn't come to him, he should at least be able to get to them. Hannibal was happy about his idea and especially that Will got so excited about this perspective.

"I'd really like that", Will repeated then, still with a smile on his face. "I miss them…"

"I'm glad to take you then. So, let's say I pick you up at 9:30am tomorrow? I've got to go to my office anyway, check some things, then I come around to get you", Hannibal said, mirroring Will's smile and made a notice to himself, that he should make Will smile more often, it really fit him. Then he dismissed it again, when realizing what he actually just had thought. He really shouldn't get too involved, at least not more than he already was…

"That's fine with me", Will agreed.

"Good, I'll see you tomorrow then!", the doctor meant as he released Will out of his office.

* * *

Before dinner, Will and Abigail sat together in her room, watching some quiz show, like they did sometimes now, when they both were bored and felt up to it. So they had some company, but still Will wasn't necessarily required to talk too much if he didn't like. However, by now the girl was someone, he actually enjoyed and could stand having a chat with, apart from his doctor, apparently.

But now, Will didn't really pay attention to the show, neither did he talk to Abigail. He rather was thinking about seeing Winston and Wesley tomorrow and couldn't await it. Even if the doctor had said he had earned it, he still found it incredibly complaisant of him to take some time just to bring him to the shelter. He really started liking Dr. Lecter more and more and felt truly thankful for everything he had already done for him.

"Abigail?", he asked her, when he got an idea, only disrupting the ads that currently were shown on TV.

"Yeah, Will?", she asked back, turning to him with a little grin.

"Is it…do you think it is okay to make some Christmas gifts to the doctors?", he wanted to know neutrally, but obviously thinking of Dr. Lecter. He just now had wondered about this possibility, because it would be a nice gesture, after his doctor has been really helping him out so far.

"Yeah, it's okay", the girl answered. "Actually a lot of people do that…I got some chocolates for Dr. du Maurier."

"Why, are you thinking about giving something to your doc?", she added then curiously.

"I'd like to, yes…he's been helping me a lot already", Will replied honestly.

"Do you know what you wanna give to him?"

"Yeah, I think I do", he answered with a little smile.


	14. Chapter 14

**_Hey guys :)_**

**_thanks a lot for reading! I really loved writing this chapter a lot, it's the longest so far. There's also a quote taken from The Hunger Games in it, hehe ;) And the songs I listened to while writing it, are Hopeless Wanderer by Mumford&Sons and once more Safe&Sound by Me vs Gravity. I hope you enjoy reading!_**

* * *

Also this night Will hadn't slept particularly well. His dreams had been filled of old images of him and Alana and his father. And how everything went so incredibly wrong in the end.

It all had started out almost bright and beautiful, he finally had made a real great friend, who actually cared for him and whom he liked a lot…just then his father showed up and destroyed everything. He wouldn't even have forgiven him for that, if it would have been the only thing he fucked up in Will's life. But as it was, he fucked up his whole life…

However, as Will got out of bed and into the shower, he didn't think about the darkness and his nightmares anymore, all that was on his mind for now, was being able to see his dogs soon. He couldn't believe that he got so excited over such a little thing, but his dogs were his only remaining family after all and he missed them a lot.

When he was ready and dressed, it only was shortly after 8am, so he decided to grab some toast and coffee in the dining room. Apart from the nurse who gave him his medication, there only was one other patient around so far, an elderly woman he hadn't met before. But he didn't feel much like talking, he just wanted to fast forward time and leave for the shelter already.

As he went back to his room, he still had some time left until Dr. Lecter was supposed to come and pick him up. Will sat down at the small table at the window and took a pencil to work over one of his drawings once more; he edited some shadows and lighting, until he finally was content enough with it to not just scrunch it up and throw it away, as he'd done a dozen times before.

At 9:30am punctually there was a light knock at his door that he'd already awaited while pacing through the room restlessly.

"I'm coming", he said, as the door was already opened and Dr. Lecter was standing in the doorsill.

"Morning", he added and sounded almost joyful.

"Good morning, Will", the doctor replied, smiling as he noticed that his patient seemed to be in a really good mood this day. Well, obviously, he was happy to visit his dogs. "Are you ready to leave?", he asked then.

"Yeah, let's go", Will said and they made their way outside and to the doctor's car.

"Did you sleep better tonight? You don't seem to be so drenched", Dr. Lecter wanted to know as they were driving to the shelter.

"Not really…I just cannot get these things out of my head", Will replied, staring out of the side window at houses decorated with Christmas lights, Santa Clauses and reindeers. He'd never quite liked this trend, it seemed too cheesy to him. Or maybe he just hated it by now, because as a kid he always wanted to decorate their house like that, but his father never wanted to spend money on such things as Christmas decoration…

"But it doesn't matter now…", he meant, pushing all the memories back into the darkest corners of his mind. "I just…can we just not talk about that for now?", Will added, sighing. He just wanted to get his head off those things for a while, so it wouldn't quite help to talk about them right now.

"As you like", the doctor replied, looking over at him shortly to assure him that it would be alright. "No more dark talk then until Monday."

"Good."

"You're right, you need a break from all your memories. At least when you can control it during daytime. As for what concerns your restless sleep, I would recommend to add a sleep-inducing drug to your medications", Dr. Lecter said.

"Well, that would help me to fall asleep, but it wouldn't keep the dreams away, would it?", Will answered not very convinced. He didn't like the perspective of taking more pills at all.

"I'm afraid, but I think there's not a way to control our dreams yet", the doctor replied as he drove onto the parking lot next to the shelter.

* * *

After they'd got Winston and Wesley they were walking through the same park again as the last time they were here. By now the snow lay so high at both sides of the paths that Wesley, small as he was, could completely disappear in the white and he'd draw lines where he was walking.

Hannibal watched Will forming snowballs and throwing them for Winston to run after; he was laughing at the dog's confused look when he caught a mouth full of coldness and a smile spread over the doctor's face. Once more he thought how adorable Will was, when he was playing and fooling around with his dogs, seeming so completely careless and joyful. It was almost hard to believe that this man, kneeing down in the snow, patting the dogs and laughing, while one of them licked his face, was the same troubled and broken patient who suffered from nightmares and panic attacks and had broken down in his office, shaking and sobbing, just two days ago.

As Will looked up from his pets for a moment and met Hannibal's eyes, his own clouded in happiness, the doctor felt a strange sensation in his chest that he couldn't quite put a hold onto. Will gave him a wide smile that Hannibal returned, before he bend down to scratch Winston's ears, while the doctor bit his bottom lip.

It wasn't a good sign, that he already got so attached to Will. If he was being honest, he wanted nothing more but to join in in his play with the dogs, but he didn't, just to preserve some distance, that he obviously had to keep. He was his doctor and Will was his patient. Probably they shouldn't even be here right now, it was his day off, after all.

He shouldn't spend it with a patient, even if he tried to persuade himself that it was only for Will's benefit and to increase chances that therapy actually worked better. But there was still that other part of him, that was simply glad to see Will like this, enjoying himself, and he had to admit that he really liked him when he was all happy and frolic.

After another while of throwing snowballs, Will picked Wesley up, because he was tiny and had short fur and started to tremble a little.

"Guess we gotta bring you back, buddy, huh?", he asked the dog, pressing him to his chest and whistling for Winston, who came running to his side instantly.

"We've got to bring them back", Will meant as he reached the doctor and sounded sad already confronted with the perspective of leaving his dogs behind again.

"We can come back", Hannibal said, because he didn't want that Will went back to the hospital, feeling bad about the dogs, because this clearly shouldn't be the purpose of this trip. He'd brought Will to get distracted and just feel good for a little bit.

"You'd do that for me?", Will asked hopefully.

_Anytime. _Obviously the doctor didn't speak out this ridiculous thought, but just nodded. "Yes. You make progress in your therapy, then we come to see your dogs, deal?", he said with a light grin.

"Deal", Will replied, smirking and pressed a small kiss on Wesley's fury head, which made Hannibal smile.

"Have you decorated your home, doctor?", Will wanted to know after a few moments of silence, while they were walking back to the shelter.

"A bit, at least on the inside. I'm not really at home that much, but I have always liked Christmas decoration", the doctor answered. "Why do you want to know that?"

"I didn't expect you to be the kind of person who'd put a Santa on their rooftop", Will commented, chuckling.

"I'm not!", Hannibal threw in playfully, making things clear here. He'd indeed never put a huge Santa Clause in a reindeer sleigh or something similar to it onto his rooftop.

"No, it's just…I find it cheesy now, but as a kid, I would have actually loved it. We never did that, though…", Will explained and sounded regretful.

"How was Christmas, when you were a boy?", Hannibal wanted to know, not just out of curiosity, he was so used to ask these kinds of questions every day, that he didn't even have to think about them anymore.

Will sighed and looked up at the doctor, a forced grin on his face. "No dark memories, remember?"

"Right, I'm sorry. It's just my job to ask these things sometimes" he answered and feeling a little sheepish, which wasn't an emotion he experienced often.

"How was Christmas when you were a boy?", Will repeated the doctor's own question curiously. "I mean, when…when your family was still with you", he added carefully.

"It was my favorite time of the year", Hannibal started, re-calling all these happy memories, although it's been more than thirty years since then.

"My mother would bake a dozen different kinds of cookies and my sister and I helped her with it, obviously", he said, smiling when thinking back of these times.

"My father went into the woods to get us a tree…I'd accompany him and we'd pick out the nicest one. My family owned our own little forest back in Lithuania….", he stopped for a moment to remember all the times he'd played there when he was little and got a bit nostalgic.

"For Christmas, family and friends would come around, we made a big feast out of it. It was merry and everyone was always so happy to be around. Even my grandfather, who was a bit of an unpleasant fellow, would take himself together and be nice for those couple of days", the doctor told and laughed a bit at it.

"That sounds really nice…", Will answered, smiling lightly when seeing his doctor laugh about those happy memories. Probably he would have been a little jealous under different circumstances, like he was sometimes when people told about their perfect childhood. But as he knew more of the doctor's story and that it wasn't perfect at all, because his parents and sister had died in a car crash, he almost felt a little bad for Dr. Lecter.

"It was indeed", the doctor sighed a little. "What's left from that now, is that I still always try to spend these days with some good friends…there's no one left of my family." Well, only a few distant cousins back in Lithuania whom he called a couple of times a year, but nothing more.

"And you're not married?", Will observed.

"No, only to my work", Hannibal replied, sounding a tiny bit remorseful.

He just hadn't met the right person yet. The only one he could have imagined marrying so far, at least when he had been younger, was his best friend and colleague, Bedelia. He knew her since they had been studying together and in all those years, they'd come to a point where they had tried being more than just friends, but it didn't work out at all. They just couldn't be a couple, unless they wanted to end up killing each other, so they decided to just be best friends, because that worked out perfectly well.

* * *

They reached the shelter way too fast for Will's taste and it made him a little sad that he already had to say goodbye to Winston and Wesley again. He wished that he could just take them with him and sneak them into the hospital, but he knew very well that this wasn't possible. So the only thing that he could do was trying to work hard on getting better, always cooperating with Dr. Lecter, like he had the past week, so that he could make progress. And who knew, maybe he'd not even have to visit his dogs at the shelter so often anymore, but could go home with them in some time?

But at the moment, he really didn't want to think about going home. They wouldn't let him leave too soon, considering that he got panic attacks during therapy sessions…he still could hope, though. And he figured that at least it was a good thing that he got his hope back.

When he told the psychiatrist on the way back to the hospital, Dr. Lecter looked at him, lips turned up in a slight smile.

"Hope is said to be the only thing stronger than fear", he answered.

"That shows, that you're on the right way here. And I think I just figured out a way for you to manage keeping a grip on reality, while you talk about your past. But I'll explain this to you on Monday…no dark thoughts today, remember?", the doctor added with a grin that Will mirrored.

When they reached the hospital, Hannibal walked Will in, not because he couldn't find back on his own or would run away, because he wouldn't. But rather because he wanted to make sure he was really alright. He couldn't bear the thought of leaving him in a sad mood about his dogs or anything else right before the holidays.

"Are you feeling alright now?", he wanted to know when they were back in Will's room, where Will had taken a seat on his bed and the doctor just was standing at his side.

"Yeah, I'm gonna be okay for now, I guess", Will replied, nestling on his blanket.

"Dr. du Maurier and I will be on call at least on 26th. So if there's anything not okay, just let one of the nurses know, alright?", the doctor said encouragingly.

"Yeah, alright", he answered, remembering the gift he had for Dr. Lecter and got up to get it.

"I've got a little something for you…because of Christmas and all", Will meant sheepishly as he took the drawing he'd earlier still worked on and walked over to the psychiatrist.

"Uhm, it's nothing special, but…well", he mumbled, as he felt his cheeks turn hot.

"Merry Christmas, Dr. Lecter", Will added, when he gave his drawing to the doctor, who looked a little surprised.

"Thank you, Will. This really wouldn't have been necessary but thank you for thinking of me", Hannibal meant honestly, when taking the black and white pencil drawing of a flower and actually felt flattered.

It was a white dahlia, accurately drawn with precise mark-making and beautifully shadowed just in the right places.

"And it is something special very well…this is beautiful, you've got exceptional talent", he said then smiling at Will, who blushed even more than before and Hannibal once more had to push away the thought of how adorable he looked while doing so.

"What does the dahlia mean?", he wanted to know then, because he really wasn't too adept in botany.

"The dahlia means…", Will started, feeling himself blush again and averted his gaze for a moment. "It stands for gratitude", he meant then, eyes directed on the floor. _And it also means that through your good character, my whole being turns bright and happy. _

He'd given this a lot consideration. It wasn't tough to decide that he wanted to draw something for his doctor, since he already had admired his work when he saw it at Will's flat. So he figured this would be probably exactly the right thing to do, draw something for him. But he'd needed longer to figure out what exactly he could draw, just to dismiss a dozen ideas again in the end. He'd started a sketch just to scrunch the paper sheets for umpteenth times, until he finally found the perfect motive. He wanted to say thank you, so the white dahlia was just the right flower to express this feeling.

Its second meaning was obvious to Will as well and when he thought about it more, he had to admit, that it also fit exceptionally well. Dr. Lecter was a great person, he was the only psychiatrist he could ever trust so far, he was the only person whom he felt really comfortable with at the moment and that meant a lot. Also the doctor had really done everything he could so far to make therapy as agreeable as possible for Will and had helped him in so many ways, starting with saving his life, obviously. Dr. Lecter had given him something like another chance in life, he already had made clear to him so far, that he could make it, he could get better, he believed in him. He just had to hold on and believe that there were things worth living for. Dr. Lecter had showed him just again by making it possible to see his dogs.

All that made the drawing of a dahlia the perfect gift for him, at least in Will's eyes. And the doctor seemed to see it like that as well, because he looked really happy about the drawing. Maybe he also was simply glad about Will's gesture, but that was exactly what he had intended.

"I see…", the doctor meant, looking between Will and the drawing. "This is really nice of you, Will", he added, smiling once more.

"I'm glad you like it", Will answered sheepishly.

"Very much", Hannibal made clear and just looked at Will for a long silent moment, still smiling at his bashfulness. Was it very odd to feel the urge to hug him now? A little, maybe. But considering that he still was Will's doctor and he also didn't seem to be the hugging kind of person, he banned that thought and cleared his throat, shifting his thoughts back to a safer place.

"Thank you again. I really have to excuse myself now. Last dinner preparations are waiting for me", he said, observing Will's features that seemed to sadden a tiny bit. But maybe he also just imagined that.

"Yeah, right", Will replied. "Then I don't wanna keep you away for any longer… And you're welcome, by the way….I guess, I've got to thank you for that nice morning…taking me out to the shelter again. That was…uhm…kind of you", Will mumbled, staring at the floor once again.

"You're welcome as well", Dr. Lecter answered. "Merry Christmas, Will", he added then with a last smile, before he had to leave.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Hey there, guys!**_

_**first, I'm really sorry that it took me so long to update, but uni is apparently trying to kill me, I've been back for one week and already got as much to do as during exam period, this cannot be normal Oo Therefor I'm telling you now, that I'm gonna try to post one chapter each week on Saturday or Sunday, I'm really trying, because I love this story so much and am curious myself how it's going on, as all I got in my head before writing are outlines...**_

_**Anyway, I just also wanna thank you so so so much for all your interest in this story, it means so much to me! I was browsing for Hannibal fics to read and filtered by reviews and according to the list, there are 688 fanfics and this one here is on 16th place when it comes to the amount of reviews! This is incredible, you guys, thanks a lot :))**_

_**How did you like the latest episode? Do you think Chilton is dead? And what did Hannibal do to make Miriam believe he's Frederick?...well, you can let me know your thoughts on that if you want, but now, enjoy the chapter, it's a light and funny one this time, I hope ;)  
**_

* * *

Will spent the afternoon drawing. Soon he'd made some sketches of Winston and Wesley, playing in the snow, leaving their footprints on the white ground. As always he wasn't quite glad about the shadowing at first, but he had time without ends to work over it.

As he laid the pencil away, his fingers were numb and his eyes hurt from just staring onto the sheet of paper for hours. But the outcome was quite amazing, he really liked it. And it didn't happen too often that he actually felt content about his work. Anyway, this drawing had turned out so well, that it made him smile a little and he planned to pin it onto the door of the closet with some tape. He could ask the nurses for some later, when he'd go to dinner…

_Later? _In fact it had grown dark outside a while ago and when he looked on the watch, it showed him, that it already was 5:40pm. So he could leave for dinner soon.

"Hey, Will", Abigail greeted him as they basically run into each other on the floor outside of the dining room.

"Hi there", he answered with a little grin, that the girl gave back at him.

"I haven't seen you around, what have you been doing?", she wanted to know as they walked inside the room and over to the buffet to get themselves some food.

"This morning I was at the shelter, seeing my dogs", he started telling, while eyeing the dishes that looked way better today than usually. Well, it was Christmas Eve after all, so probably they thought they could give their patients some nice food for once.

"And then I was drawing the whole afternoon…"

"Did Dr. Lecter take you there again?", Abigail asked, while putting some grilled potatoes on her plate.

"Yeah, he did", Will replied sounding somehow sheepish and biting his lip as he noticed that he blushed, for whatever reason, but Abigail didn't notice. "I really appreciate that a lot."

"You're so lucky…I wish I could see Dana as well. But my grandparents didn't bring her with them, obviously", she sighed, as they were looking for a place to sit and chose one near the windows. That's where you could talk best without getting disrupted by someone else passing by all the time.

* * *

Meanwhile Hannibal had added the last touches to his dinner. He'd accurately set the table hours ago, checked on the roasted goose every now and a while and cleaned up the kitchen. He'd also made the salads, the aperitifs, some other fixings already had been prepared the night before. Everything was ready now, different wines and water bottles set on the table as well as candles.

His dining room opened into the living room, where he'd set up the Christmas tree in a corner and decorated it a week ago already. Hannibal let his view wander around, a hand run over the top of his piano, as he walked by. Everything seemed perfect, just as he wanted it to be. Now his guests could arrive.

First was Bedelia, she always was on time, even a bit early. But not as much as it would be considered rude. He could recognize her by now on the way she'd ring the doorbell, always two times real shortly. Never differently.

"Good evening, Bedelia", he greeted her, as he opened the door for her to step in, a glad smile on his face.

"Hello, Hannibal", she said, smiling back at him, before he hugged her lightly and kissed her on the cheek.

"You arrived first, as always", he meant in a mocking tone as he took her coat and led her over to the dining room then.

"I wanted to make sure that you've everything perfectly set up, before the others come around", Bedelia answered with a wink.

"You know that everything always is perfect when I'm hosting a dinner", Hannibal grinned at her and then invited her to take a seat. Just then the doorbell rang a second time.

* * *

"Will?", Abigail's voice disrupted his thoughts. He just mentally walked through that park again, with Winston jumping up at his side, Wesley somewhere hidden in the snow and Dr. Lecter laughing about it…

"Sorry?", he asked and shook his head, to concentrate on their conversation again rather than on this beautiful memory. He didn't have too many nice memories, but this one way definitely one he could hold on to in case the darkness would threaten to cloud his mind again.

"I just asked you what it was, that you gave your doc for Christmas", Abigail repeated, grinning at his confusion. "Where've you been? Not a dark place again, I hope?", she added then, looking at him a little concerned.

Abigail didn't particularly know about his past, he'd just told her, that he had some rough stuff to deal with, that he couldn't get rid of so far and that was pulling him down, when he couldn't fight it anymore and gave in to it. Will neither did know more about the reason that brought the girl here, other than something happened with her parents and that's why she lived with her grandparents now.

"No dark talk for today", Will re-called the doctor's words and shook his head again to underline his statement.

"No, I…I just was at the park again, playing with my dogs", he explained and took a sip of his water.

"Ehm…I drew something for him. A dahlia", he added then, feeling sheepish once again and couldn't quite explain why.

"That sounds nice, really. It's a sweet gift", Abigail meant honestly.

"Really?", Will asked bashfully, blushing a little.

"Yeah, really", she assured him, laughing. "He liked it, didn't he?"

"Yeah, he did…I got something for you as well. You only get it tomorrow, though", he said grinning.

"Oh stop it, you're too cute!", Abigail gave back and giggled.

"Nah, just bored", Will corrected grinning. "Are you up for some dessert?"

* * *

Hannibal opened the door for Frederick Chilton and his companion. He'd known Frederick since they'd studied together, just like Bedelia and his two other guests who hadn't arrived yet. As usual, Chilton looked as dapper as Hannibal himself, with his neat suit and tie pin.

The beautiful dark haired woman at his side was obviously his fiancé, whom Hannibal had heard about, but hadn't met before, but he had naturally insisted that she'd join them for dinner as well.

"Good evening, you two", Hannibal said, stepping aside. "Come on in."

"Hello there, good to finally see you again", Frederick meant, laughing and hugged Hannibal, then turned around to his pretty companion.

"Hannibal, this is Alana, my fiancé", Chilton added, beaming at her and she gave him a sweet smile back, before turning her attention to their host.

"Alana Bloom", she said smiling and extended her hand. "Thanks for the invitation."

"Oh, you're welcome, it's nice to meet you, Alana", Hannibal returned, wondering for a second where he'd heard her name before, because it sounded oddly familiar and not because Frederick had mentioned it before. He'd just talked about his "fiancé" all the time. But then he dismissed that thought and turned his attention fully back to his guests.

"Let's go over to the dining room and open up some wine, Bedelia is already there", he said, leading Frederick and Alana over to where the dining table was and they greeted each other, while Hannibal tried to decide which bottle of wine to open first. However, this decision was taken from him for the time being, because the doorbell rang a third time that evening. It had to be either Beverly or Brian, as they were the both still missing from their little gathering.

* * *

"Can I get a tip at least?", Abigail asked, as they were sitting face to face and cross-legged on her bed after dinner, playing cards.

"You're gonna know if I gave you a tip", Will meant with a lopsided grin. "Also you'll see tomorrow."

"But I'm so curious!", she gave back, lying down one of her cards on the pile.

"I can see that", Will reassured her, trying to decide which card to choose next.

"Okay, I guess I've got to wait, haven't I?"

"Just until tomorrow morning", he said, smiling, because she seemed like a five year old in her excitement.

"I've got something for you too" Abigail meant, taking a card from the other pile, because she doesn't seem to have any fitting ones.

"Yeah?", Will asked and felt really happy about it. He could count all the times on one hand that he'd actually gotten something nice and not just practical for Christmas. So it meant a lot to him, that Abigail, whom he barely knew for two weeks, had thought of him.

"Yeah", the girl replied grinning.

"Damn, now I'm curious as well!"

"Gotta wait until tomorrow", Abigail meant, sticking out her tongue at him mockingly.

* * *

As it turned out, Hannibal wouldn't have to open the door a fourth time that night, because Brian and Beverly had come over together.

"Sorry that we're late, but that dork took ages to take a shower", Beverly said when they had said hello to each other, teasing Brian, as always.

It has gone like this since their days at college, Brian and Beverly always calling the other funny names, although or just because they were best friends.

"You're living together now?", Hannibal wanted to know as they took off their coats, because that was new to him.

"Yeah, he needed a place to crash after he split up with his boyfriend", Beverly let him know.

"Then we decided to do a flat share", Brian commented, grinning.

"Well, just because I'm too nice to throw you out", Beverly mocked him.

"Do you guys want to bicker around there, or come over so that we can finally start to have dinner?", Frederick called over from the dining room.

"We can bicker around while having dinner as well", Brian meant, winking.

"You both will never grow up, will you?", Hannibal asked them rhetorically, while they joined the others, noticing once again that they could just as well be still students with their behavior.

* * *

When Will was lying in bed that night, he thought that he long didn't have such a great day as this one. He'd felt truly happy when playing with his dogs in the park. He was glad that Dr. Lecter liked his little gift and also that his other drawings had turned out nice as well.

Also he felt like he'd bonded with Abigail so far as he could see her as something like a younger cousin. Not a sister yet, they didn't know each other that much, but she was – apart from Dr. Lecter – the only person he bothered being around and actually enjoyed having a talk with. And he really hoped, that he could somehow keep that friendship up, even after Abigail would leave inpatient treatment, because she had said, that she'd be allowed to leave the hospital soon after New Year's. This wasn't too long anymore. Will, however, had to stay longer, as it seemed right now, but he was already a little afraid how he'd pass his days without Abigail around, he'd be too bored again, over thinking too much.

For now he dismissed those thoughts again, because he didn't want to feel bad now, not when he hadn't the whole day. He just wanted a quiet night for once, that's all he was asking for. Recreative sleep, without getting disrupted by nightmares that would keep him wide awake and drained off his energy.

Instead he shifted his tired mind back to the park slipping into sleep while thinking back of this morning.

_There it was beautifully nice and quiet, apart from the excited barks of his dogs. He formed snowballs for Winston and Wesley to chase after and in a moment of waggishness he threw one of those snowballs in the direction of his doctor, who was standing by with an amused look upon his face. The ball hit him on the shoulder and Will was curious about what would happen next. But instead about complaining about Will's foolishness, Dr. Lecter picked up some snow himself to form a ball and threw it back at Will, who ducked away, laughing, ready to fire back…_

* * *

"So, how did you guys meet?", Brian wanted to know, as they'd just started with the desert and looked curiously between Frederick and Alana.

"It was on a conference in D.C. that we both attended", Alana started telling.

"Yes, it was one of those fancy things where you'd stay for a couple of days for lectures and these things, you know what I mean...", Frederick added his part of the story.

"We all stayed in the same hotel, then one evening I was ready to go back to my room, but then I couldn't find my key card."

"He was waiting for the elevator on the way down to the reception desk, whilst I was in the elevator ready to give him back the card that he'd apparently lost in one of the lectures we had together. I didn't know it was his, picked it up to ask the concierge whose it was. Well, and then I returned it", Alana went on, laughing.

"And I invited her on a drink and everything else went down from then", Chilton closed, grinning and took Alana's hand to press a light kiss on it.

"Aw, stop it, you guys are too cheesy", Beverly complained in faked disgust, but winking at them.

"So, when can we expect the invitations for the wedding?", Hannibal threw in, laughing as well.

"We plan for spring or early summer", Frederick explains.

"And when do you guys plan to get married?", Alana wanted to know, looking expectantly at Hannibal and Bedelia.

"Oh no, we're not a couple", Bedelia made clear, laughing.

"They were!", Brian throws in giggling.

"Yes, it didn't really work out for us", Hannibal said and wondered why people always made that assumption.

"That really sucked, because Bry and I were already betting in college that they'd get married…well, I lost", Beverly told and made them all laugh about that memory.

* * *

As he woke up the next morning, he didn't remember the dream about the park and the snowball fight with his doctor, because it had been washed away by yet another nightmare.

His head was throbbing as he pressed his eyes shut and reached over to the night stand for a glass of water. There his hand didn't get to catch a bottle, but bumped into something else he didn't know was there.

So he opened his eyes carefully and lifted up his head a little to see why it wasn't his water bottle standing there as he'd put it last night. He found a rectangular package the size of a small book there, sat on the nightstand, wrapped in dark green wrapping paper and a red favor on it. This definitely hadn't been there last night. Who'd put it there, a nurse? And even more important, what was it and from whom?

Curiously Will sat up in the bed, forgetting about his headache momentarily and taking the parcel, joting it lightly. _Might be something to eat_, he thought, conclusing from the sound it made. So he opened up the paper carefully, not wanting to just tear it apart, as he'd always done as a kid.

Inside was a box printed with Christmas-y scenes, but nothing too cheesy. Angels, snowy landscapes, Christmas trees, mistle toes. After looking at it for a moment, he finally opened it and found at least half a dozen different Christmas cookies in all shapes and sizes in it. White and brown ones, some with, others without sugar glacing, some with chocolate, others with nuts. On top of those beautiful and delicious looking cookies was a small piece of paper, folded. Will picked it up, curious whom it was from, although he already had a guess in mind.

_Dear Will, _

_merry Christmas again! I hope you found some more sleep this night. If you should have been plagued by your dreams again, then hopefully I can cheer you up with some of my homemade cookies. I hope you have agreeable holidays, if something is bothering you, however, don't hesitate to let me know. Until Moday,_

_Dr. Hannibal Lecter _


	16. Chapter 16

_**Hey guys :)**_

_**I'm already done with the next chapter, because I found some more time to write since there are holidays! Probably I even manage another chapter until Monday or so, because I'm really inspired...hmm, where this might come from ;D God, I'm excited for tonight's episode because of the Vergers and the Hannigram :D**_

_**anyway, the song that I used to write this to is "Tessellate" by Alt-J and there is also a fanvid on Youtube, it's amazing! But now, enjoy reading...although it's gonna be dark and tough for Will and I was mean enough to add something like a cliffhanger for once :D**_

* * *

"Get out of my head!", Will whined and pressed his hands onto his temples, trying to rub the images behind his closed eye-lids away. But they seemed like burned into his retina.

_Will was ten years old again, had woken in the middle of the night, after he had finally fallen asleep only hours ago while trying to shut out the rumbling of his parents' argument. It was quiet now, almost too quiet and he didn't know whether this was a good sign or rather not. But he was thirsty and couldn't just ignore it and go back to sleep. _

_So he got out of his bed, tip toeing out of his room and down the hall to the staircase, his eyes adjusting to the darkness around him. He didn't dare to switch on the light out of fear his father might have passed out on the couch downstairs and wake up from it. Passing by the staircase, he slipped into the bathroom, closing the door behind, before turning the light on. _

_He was so tired, that he almost stumbled over the small carpet laid out on the bathroom floor, but he could stabilize himself on the sink. Just a few sips of water, then he'd lie down again. But when he looked down into the basin, he gasped and felt sick in the guts, because there were some blood stains that definitely hadn't been there when he went to bed in the evening…_

"What did you do to her?", he screamed into the empty hospital room on the verge of hysterical tears.

However, he didn't see his room on the psychiatric floor of the hospital in front of him, but his father in the living room of his childhood home. Will knew somewhere in the back of his head, that it was only his imagination, but it seemed so incredibly real, he couldn't manage to fight it down.

"Mr. Graham, are you alright? I heard you…", someone who had just stepped into the room asked him, but Will only turned around, screaming at them.

"Where is mom?! What did you do?"

His subconscious mind realized, that it was a nurse who just had come in to check on him, but he didn't see her as the one she was. His memories had started to mix with reality again, since he had been startled from another one of his nightmares the night after Christmas. After he'd done so well for the last two days, now everything seemed to crash down on him, willing to bury him.

Will had stayed in his room during breakfast and hadn't eaten anything, already fighting out the battle between imagination and reality in his head, as a nurse had brought him some food earlier that he didn't touch in the end.

When he'd been too tired to keep his eyes open any longer, due to his constant sleep deprivation, he fell asleep some when around noon. Only to wake to new nightmares, this time screaming, still seeing his father in the same room, even when he was sure he was awake.

And in his panic and fear, now he didn't even quite recognize the nurse anymore, but made her a part of his living nightmares.

"Get out, get out of my mind! Leave me alone!", he continued screaming, pressing his hands on his face, trying to shut out the past.

"Mr. Graham, you need to try and calm down", she tried to get through to him, reaching a hand out, to touch his arm lightly, but he pushed her away.

"Don't! Don't touch me, leave me alone!"

"Listen to me, I won't bother you, Mr. Graham…Will", the nurse tried again and came a step closer, but Will shied away, bursting out in tears.

"She didn't run away…mom would never have left me alone", he started sobbing, breaking down in a corner of the room, fighting against his father's voice in his head. He couldn't stand hearing his words again and again and again.

"Go away…please, please leave", he whimpered and the nurse finally seemed to know better than to make another attempt at calming him.

Will didn't notice her leaving, he just realized after some moments that he was alone in the room. His father's voice still echoed in his head, making him want to knock it on the next wall just to calm it down. But he felt too weak for it, he couldn't even bring up the strength to pull himself up, so he just stayed down on the floor, crying, losing the track on time.

* * *

The next thing he remembered is a warm hand on his upper arm, pressing it lightly.

"Will, can you hear me?", a familiar voice asked. It wasn't his father's, so he dared to open his eyes.

Everything was a little blurred and out of focus, but after some moments, he managed to fix his gaze on Dr. Lecter, kneeling at his side, looking at him with a mix of concern and curiosity.

"Doctor?", he brought out weakly, his head close to explode and he had to press his eyes shut in order to not throw up. He felt so weak and dizzy…

"Do you want me to help you get up?", the psychiatrist asked him quietly, as if he knew that Will's head was bursting.

Will only could nod lightly, regretting it instantly as it felt like a bomb had just exploded in his brains. So the doctor laid hold of him and Will just could do as much as grab his coat in order to not fall down.

"It's okay", Dr. Lecter said, as Will sat on the edge of his bed with his help.

"They had to give you a sedative injection, while I was on my way here", he added, which explained why Will felt as if he'd slept for a week, although he actually hadn't slept properly for days.

"We can talk about it now if you want, or when you wake up later, in case you feel like sleeping it off", Hannibal offered, as he looked over his patient, who made a real pitiful impression.

He was pale as a sheet and seemed to have cried, besides he appeared to be weak on his limbs and shaking a little. The doctor couldn't tell, however, if it was because he was cold from lying on the floor, or still the aftermath of his panic attack, that he'd obviously had, judging from what the nurse had told him on the phone.

"No sleep", Will managed to say in a raspy voice, reaching for his bottle of water.

"Did the sleep inducing drugs I prescribed you not help?"

"No…"

He sighed, took a deep breath and tried to re-arrange what had happened the past few hours. But he stopped right at the thought of it, he didn't want to see all of this again.

"How can I get it out of my head?", he wanted to know then, desperate. "I can't get it out of my head…"

"What do you want to get out of your head?", the doctor asked, curiously, while pulling a chair close to the bed. Will had laid down by now, huddled together, legs pulled up close to his torso.

"The image of my father killing my mother", Will replied so quietly that the psychiatrist barely could hear it.

"Was that what you saw happening earlier? Did you see them here with you, fighting?"

Will only nodded, feeling tears burn in his eyes again and rubbed over them with a hand.

"Your imagination seemed to turn real?", the doctor went on asking trying to get a wider picture of what had happened.

"I don't know what's real anymore when it comes to my mother…", Will finally admitted, sounding more defeated than ever.

"What happened to her, Will?"

"One day she was just there…they were fighting, as always…the other day, she was nowhere to be found. Gone….He told me, he told me that she left me, she run away and left me behind…", Will said, burying his face in his pillow then, to drown his tears there.

He didn't want the doctor to see him this weak again. Not now that he just had felt so comfortable around him. Everything had been alright those last two days. Christmas day had been really nice, waking up to find the doctor's homemade cookies that he had long forgotten over by now, however.

Then he had spent the morning with Abigail, before she headed out for a trip with her grandparents. They had exchanged their gifts, Abigail had braided him a little bracelet out of brown and black leather tape that tangled around his wrist now. He'd given her the drawing of her dog and she had totally loved it…

"That night I woke up, because I was so thirsty…in the bathroom sink, there was blood…I was so tired…the next day, it was gone…"

"This made you assume that your father did something to your mother?", Dr. Lecter wanted to know.

"This wasn't all…something weird happened…", Will stopped here, turning his head back to face the doctor. His tears had stopped and his look was hard now.

"I'm not crazy", he stated then. "They all said I'm crazy…delusional. They claimed that I couldn't remember…that I was distraught and made it all up to cope with the fact that my mother left me…"

"What do you want to tell me, Will?", Hannibal asked carefully, repressing his curiosity, because he sensed that they might have reached the point now, that Will always tried to avoid talking about.

Will sighed, running a hand over his face, feeling so endlessly tired. Actually he did want nothing more but sleep. On the other hand, he despised nothing more than sleep at the moment, because this was the quickest way to make his memories come back haunting him.

He'd told the story about his mother a couple of times now. No one had actually believed him, they always had found new excuses to make him seem out of his mind, so that he was pushed from one psychologist and psychiatrist to the other. By now he sometimes believed himself, that it all was just his imagination. That he could never have found a real way to re-construct what had happened that night. That everything was just a desperate turn of his mind to explain why his mother would have left him alone with his father. But then it had felt so real and logical…

What could happen if he told Dr. Lecter as well, other than he'd not believe him? That he'd also tell him it wasn't possible, that he couldn't even remember properly anymore, after all these years. Will actually was more scared than ever, because he cared about this doctor's opinion. He seemed like his last chance, his last hope that everything could turn out alright in the end. And if he didn't believe him, then Will wouldn't know whether he could bring up enough will again to go on…

However, it had been Dr. Lecter who stopped him from jumping, who had gave him new courage, who took his time to get through to him, who made him see his dogs. Will figured after a while, that if he couldn't tell this doctor now, after everything he'd done for him already, he would never tell this story again and he'd most certainly break about it.

"Do you…do you think I'm crazy, Dr. Lecter?", Will finally asked after some minutes of silence.

"This depends on how you'd define crazy", the doctor answered considerately. "As from what I can see, what you're telling and showing me about you and what I read in your medical records, there are no signs that actually would apply on the outdated medical definition of it. So no, I don't think you're crazy."

Hannibal eyed his patient up curiously, looking for an explanation why Will would consider himself as crazy. It was nothing unusual for someone with a history like his to suffer from things like panic attacks, depression, self-doubt, but he definitely wasn't crazy. The psychiatrist had experienced Will losing his track on reality a couple of times, but it wasn't as bad as bordering on delusion, because he only re-lived memories that had been haunting him for the biggest part of his life.

"I want you to hold this opinion still after I told you everything…", Will meant quietly, rolling on his back and staring on the ceiling. "I'm so afraid that…that you won't believe me."

"If you're not ready to talk about the things concerning your mother yet, we can delay this to next week", the doctor offered, but Will shook his head.

"I feel like…this is my last shot at it, you know? I want you to help me…", he said, sounding all desperate once more.

He felt that he could trust in Dr. Lecter. It had been so long since he actually felt safe to trust in someone. Even if he couldn't be sure that the doctor really believed him in the end, he still knew that he wouldn't just easily judge him. He was nothing like all the others and Will realized now, that Dr. Lecter had been right all along, when saying in his very first therapy session, that he was patient enough to wait for Will to tell him. Now Will hoped, that he also had been right, when claiming, that he knew he could provide the help he needed.

"I will help you, if you only let me", Hannibal said, remembering that he told him he'd not just abandon him, as others before him obviously did.

He had no intention in turning on him, if Will had something unusual to tell, that he probably wouldn't agree with or didn't suspect, or seemed to sound crazy, as Will feared it would. However, he really wondered, what it might be, that made his colleagues assume Will was delusional or imagining things to cope with the trauma that was caused to him, as it read in the records.

"Why do you assume that your father might have killed your mother?", he finally dared to ask the question that he'd been burning to get an answer to.

"She'd never just have left me behind", Will answered almost too quickly. That was something he'd told himself over and over and over again to calm himself down, not only as a kid.

"He hurt both of us before…a lot. Sometimes it were just bruises…other times we had to go to the ER, get some stiches or so…", Will started telling then, his voice was low, his gaze still directed at the ceiling, while he tried to force the pictures to the back of his head.

"He was so drunk sometimes, that he…he barely knew what he was doing. And they were always fighting…what I wanna say is, that it could easily have happened, that…he just beat her until…", he shook his head, unable to proceed from here.

"This is a very serious accusation you're making here", the doctor commented and Will sighed, because he obviously knew that.

"I've always wondered, why…why we didn't just run away…my mother and I", Will continued after a moment. "We could have gone far away, where he couldn't have found us…I don't know what kept her."

"Actually this is a very common reaction among victims of domestic abuse", the doctor explained to him. "It's hard to accept, that a beloved person would ever do such terrible things, so they try to persuade themselves, that it isn't that bad and that it will be over soon, that it will stop eventually…"

Will only nodded. Obviously, he wouldn't have understood something like that when he only was a kid. By now he could comprehend it, but he still found it rather absurd.

"That blood in the sink…it looked weird. Like someone had washed it off their hands, you know…I was only a kid, I was tired…I tried to make me believe that it was just from a nose-bleed or something…"

"When I woke up the other day, it was gone, but…I was standing there, staring in the mirror above the basin…and something real weird happened….", here Will stopped once more, trying to gather his thoughts, before finally giving away the cause that seemed to be the other reason besides his father, that his life had turned into a living hell, making him feel weird, crazy, like an outcast.

"I could see everything", he said in a low voice, that wasn't more than a whisper. "I could see him washing the blood off his hands…rubbing, rubbing until it finally was gone. I could see him…then I could…I knew his thoughts, he was distraught, panicked. But only for a moment…then he cooled down."

"You imagined your father after he'd hurt your mother?", the doctor asked, a bit confused.

"No…no, it wasn't like that. I didn't…yes, I imagined it, but I know it was real. It did happen like that…and it wasn't the only time I saw something like this that day. When I came down to the living room…where they always argued…I could see it all…I could see it and feel his rage…him beating her, hurting her, he gave her a punch at the side of the head and she…fell down…and didn't get up again", here Will interrupted himself by breaking out in tears. He pressed his hands over his face, trying to calm down somehow but it didn't work.

"What is wrong with me? I know it was real…I didn't just imagine it because my mom left…I could feel what he was feeling…I could see what happened…I…I felt like I'd done it myself", he brought out, shaken by sobs. "I'm not crazy…I'm not."


End file.
